Paging Doctors who Don't Lie About my Food!

Yesterday I made some shocking discoveries about two of my fave foods that I originally learned about from doctors (and buy at Costco):

First, let me tell you about my salmon saga:

It’s not new news that salmon is a miracle food. Oprah likes to call it “Sammy” but I’m not into personalizing what I eat. Makes me feel guilty. And I’m already Catholic so I don’t need anymore of that. Oh, but why is it so special? I’m telling you this stuff is better than blueberries! It’s got those elusive Omega 3 fats. It can protect against heart disease, obesity, some forms of cancer (even skin cancer!), Alzheimer’s, Leukemia, Multiple Myeloma, Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma…plus, it can curb depression!

But here’s the “catch:” You gotta eat the wild kind. If you get the farmed kind you could increase your risk of cancer because of the potentially high levels of chemicals called PCBs. Apparently they’re bad news.

Oprah once asked Dr. Oz (who always wears scrubs even when he’s not going to be touching a human heart on the show—perplexing) how we can be sure we’re getting wild salmon. Doc Oz said, “Just get the canned kind; then you’ll know it’s wild.” Schwoo. I get the canned kind from Costco! But still, I kept searching the can to make sure it said “wild” and it didn’t. But I kept on buying dozens of cans at a time and scarfing ‘em down for lunch every day.

Finally, yesterday I decided to look into it on the internet. And you guessed it: I’ve been eating salmon raised on farms! Just gobbling up those PCBs as if they were Kashi crack! So yesterday when I went to Costco I drove my cart down the aisle with the canned salmon and I shouted, “You’re not Sammy! You’re Satan!” and I didn’t put any in my cart. Now I’m gonna have to buy canned salmon at Kroger—one can at a time!

Now the second lie is about Dr. Praeger’s Veggie Burgers but since I got a little heated and long-winded about the salmon, I’ll keep it short:

Love Dr. Praeger (interviewed him for a story). Love his veggie burgers (taste so good and only 100 calories). Suspected they were too good to be true but kept thinking, “They were invented by a doctor!” Our friend Hungry Girl informed us yesterday that his nutritional facts are under investigation when a test revealed they had 20%-30% more calories (still not bad) and a lot more fat (oops). Dr. P had to remove his American Heart Association label from his food. Sad times.

These two revelations will drastically change my lunch but thank goodness dinner and breakfast are still in tact. And if you hear anything sinister about my Kashi crack, don’t even tell me. I don’t think I can handle it right now.