Yesterday, I went to Costco. And along with my 1,750 Q-tips, I also picked up a smorgasbord of emotions:
Excitement: Wow! Look at all the giant TVs and is that a revolutionary space heater? The kind that doesn’t burn down your house? It’s so warm!
Awe: Everything is so neatly stacked and the aisles are so wide. And the floors? Immaculate.
Serenity: It’s so not crowded and the people who are here are so much more desirable than my co-shoppers at Wal-mart.
Greed: I think I do need a giant inflatable snowman. No, wait! I need 20 of them!
Gluttony: Sure, I’ll take a sample of the sun-dried tomato/cream cheese cracker. And a vitashake. Soy milk? Bring it on! Pass the chicken wings, please. Are those little spiral turkey thingies? I love them!
Regret: I think I ate too many spiral turkey thingies.
Confusion: Hmmm…$50 for 100 rolls of paper towels. I KNOW that’s technically a good deal but I just can’t bear to spend $300 in one visit. Okay, fine, I’ll get them.
Frustration: I can’t lift 100 rolls of paper towels!
Desperation: Help! I’m buried under 100 rolls of paper towels! Somebody…spiral turkey thingie sampler…Yes! I’ll buy the box of spiral turkey thingies…what? The chipotle kind! Yes, I know they’re great for parties! You just defrost them, put them on a plate and everybody thinks you made them. Although no one will believe I could wrap them so perfectly. Just help me, please!
Exhaustion: Glad to be out from under the paper towels but now cart is too heavy to push. Need to take a break…What’s that? A gallon of olives for $12? Can’t beat that.
Frazzled: What? You need my Costco card before I can buy this stuff? Okay, it’s in here somewhere. Yes, I know I should have gotten it out because you ask for it every time. But I’m fairly new to Costco.
Defensive: Yes, I know my eye is closed in the picture. I had an infection. No, it’s not pink eye. No, it’s not contagious. I don’t have it anymore. I just did the day I took the picture.
Embarrassed: Oh? You don’t take Visa? What about Discover? What about Mastercard? I guess I’ll use my check card. Wait. Let me balance my checkbook really quick to make sure I can afford this. If I can’t, the olives are gonna have to go. Yes, I know $12 is a good deal for a gallon of olives. It’s just that I don’t really eat olives. I don’t even like them.
Irritated: Hi, I’m just trying to push this heavy cart to my car…thanks. Oh, right. You want to see my membership card. I’ve got it right here. I kept it out because I knew that they had people positioned at the exits to check them. What? You want my receipt? Yes, I get it that showing my membership card doesn’t prove that I didn’t steal the merchandise. I’ve got my receipt here somewhere. Oh, it’s under the turkey spiral thingies. Yes, I know they’re great for parties.
Relief: I'm so glad to be out of there. Now I'm all set with my paper towels, olives and a bunch of other random crap that I may not have wanted but the unit price was too good to pass up.
Grateful: At least I don't have to worry about buying Q-tips for another 2.4 years.
8 comments:
Ahhh, Costco. I totally hear you there. Brendan and I got a day pass once and we felt like we were wasting it because we didn't know what to buy. I started looking in other people's baskets in order to copy them.
It's very overwhelming. And you're constantly saying things like, "I like graham crackers. But do I like 500 graham crackers?"
Once I told Frank that we should stop by there to get a copy of a key made and he said, "No, they won't let us just get one key. They'll make us get 100 keys."
And you know what? We'd have to do it. Because if it's $10, that's only ten cents per key. What a deal!
We only get peanut butter, motor oil and booze. Three things that you REALLY can't live without.
The toilet paper deal is always tempting but who has room to store all that back-up TP. I sure don't!
Yes, we put jalapenos on everything now. Jalepenos and peanut butter, anyone?
You could sell the excess to your single friends like Thea and I and make a nice profit.
That is an excellent idea. Could I interest you in a handful of Q-tips?
fantastic post.at least you wont run out of cue tips.We call them earie wigs in Scotland.
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