‘Twas five days before Christmas and all through the mall
Writinggal was shopping; wishing she wasn’t too old for a doll
Jessica Simpson’s Christmas album played loudly on the P.A.
She sang of happier times, when she was still married to Nick Lachey
Okay, okay. That’s all I got. What I really want to tell you about is how I saw Santa returning from his lunch break.
He was heading back towards his North Pole set-up. (And by the way, the Shops at Willow Bend, the fanciest mall I’ve ever patronized, has the most over-the-top Santa’s North Pole I’ve ever seen complete with snow falling!) He was carrying a bag from Sonic. (They have one in the food court! I told you it was fancy!) He was also carrying a Route 44 Cherry Limeade. (I know because I used to work there. Not at the one in the mall. One in my home town.)
Anyway, I kind of smiled at him like I was spotting a celebrity. It was sort of like the time I saw Joe E. Tata who played Nat on 90210. We were in L.A. and I wanted to take his picture but I had one of those disposable cameras that only worked outside. So I didn’t want to have to ask him to step outside the restaurant. But it was still really cool. It’s like I was this close to seeing Luke Perry.
But back to Santa. It occurred to me that it must be hard for Santa to just wander into the food court and grab some lunch. I mean, do the kids mob him? Do they tug at his pant legs and try to tell him what they want for Christmas? Does he just sit at a table in the food court by himself? And I guess he has no choice but to keep all the garb on. Otherwise he would confuse all the poor Plano kids.
Also, he looked pretty disgruntled. When I first realized there wasn’t a Santa I think I still thought it was a pretty good gig to play him at the mall. Now, at age 28, after looking into the eyes of that curmudgeon of a Santa, I think I’ve figured out something: playing Santa at the mall is like the worst job ever! I told this to Frank last night and he said, “Really? Why do you think that?” I said, “Well it obviously means the guy didn’t have another job!" He must have been waiting in line at the unemployment office and somebody came up and said, “Hey, you’re fat. Wanna put on this beard, red suit, hat and have kids potentially pee on you all day?”
Poor guy. He’s got no money and a bad body image. What could be worse?
Listening to Jessica Simpson's whiney voice sing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" all day long. Yep, that could be worse.
9 comments:
I saw Santa & Mrs. Claus Sunday in Fredericksburg on my way home from hunting. They were standing on the edge of the street in the middle of town waving at passing cars. I gave them a honk and revved the engine for them (in the Scout).
I bet they needed a ride back to the shops at Willow Bend. How rude of you to not pick them up in the Scout!
Everyone knows I'm a hippie liberal Democrat feminist, but I can't stand the female Santa. Santa is a man. No women in the suit, for crying out loud.
You mean his wife, Mrs. Claus? She's not a female Santa; she's his wife. Frank's not a male Writinggal. Is he?
Or have you seen a female trying to play Santa at the mall? If so, I bet it was at Valley View. Ghetto mall.
That would be a woman in the Santa Suit, not as Mrs. Claus, that I think ain't right.
That's totally wrong! And brings up all sorts of transgender issues with the kids.
Sometimes Equal Opportunity Employment just goes too far!
I guess one Santa was so disgruntled he decided to rob a Wachovia bank in Dallas. I bet it was the Santa from Valley View!
We took baby Charlie to see santa at the Galleria today! You are all so jealous! He didn't cry or scream. Just smiled. He's adorable.
It was cute watching the other kids give their lists to Santa and he listened very carefully. Then he tucked the list into his jacket pocket. He put on a good show but he's probably bummed that they don't have a Sonic at the Galleria.
Man, it sucks I can't do stuff like hang out with babies at the mall because of my stinkin' job. I like babies! I like the mall! It's not fair.
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