Hobby Husbands

It seems that if you are a husband, you have to have an obsession--something that you yearn to do every Saturday but your wife only lets you do it about one Saturday a month. When we lived in Texas a lot of husbands were into hunting. The wives would lament, "Mark is going dove hunting again."

"Didn't he go dove hunting last weekend?"

"No, that was scouting. He didn't actually shoot any doves. He was just..." (I lost interest here but I assume she said, "looking for potential dove victims")

And then when you talk to the guy, all he wants to talk about is his obsession: "I've got some venison in the freezer that me and my brother-in-law killed ourselves."

Yippee!

Here are some other common husband obsessions:

Golf

Video Games

Biking

Beer-making

Cars, life-size

Cars, remote control

Fishing

Watching sports (I don't know that many who actually play sports, at least not on the level where I'd call it an obsession.)

All of these activities have one thing in common: they take up a lot of time. When husbands engage in these hobbies they are out of pocket for an entire Saturday. And in some cases, like with the beer and video games, their gear takes up lots of room in the house.

That's why I am proud to say that my husband is hobby-less. Now, he DOES play the guitar but he really only gets "obsessed" with it when he's in a band. In fact, he's been a member of two semi-famous groups--there was "Stain" from 1993-1995 which put out a tape--yes, tape--and the MBA cover band "Strictly Business." Haven't heard of either of them? Really? Hmmm, maybe they weren't all that successful. But he does have three guitars and an amp and they do take up some space.

Anyway, for purposes of this blog, Frank does not really have a hobby and it's wonderful. If he had a hobby then not only would I be annoyed that he worked so early and so late, I'd also be annoyed that he was gone all day Saturday, golfing or hunting or skateboarding. And on the days that he wasn't gone, I'd know that he'd really want to go and I'd feel resentful and he'd feel resentful and we'd get into arguments where I'd say, "I bet you wish you were deer hunting right now!" and he'd say, "Hell, yea, I'd rather be deer hunting! The deer don't nag at me like you do!"

Or if we weren't fighting about it, he'd want to TALK about it. "I shot a 83 over par with a handicap of 14...blah blah blah...sand trap...driver...blah blah blah...tee time."

In the evenings Frank is available to watch shows with me (and we pretty much agree on them although he rarely wants to watch House Hunters and I refuse to watch anymore episodes of True Blood). He's not holed up playing video games. On the weekends, I don't have to share Frank with a golf course or a deer lease or a basement brewery. He does, however, seem to need a hair cut every week: "I've gotta get my ears lowered," he always says. And I say, "AGAIN? You and your hair cuts!"

But if getting his hair cut is his obsession, now that's a hobby I can deal with.

Things I wish I liked: Twitter

When I first heard about Twitter circa 2008 I thought it was right up my alley. See, my favorite thing about Facebook is how you can write short little updates. Like today, I was making something in the crock pot and I said out loud, "And then you stir all the ingredients so that they blend together." I realized that I was performing a cooking show with Gus as my audience. I then realized that I always do this when I'm cooking. So I giggled, went to my computer (which was open right there in the kitchen because I was getting a recipe off of Pinterest; I'm so tech-savvy!) and wrote on Facebook:

"Anybody else pretend they're on a cooking show when they're cooking and make their baby pretend to be in the audience? No? Just me?"

It wasn't really enough for a whole blog but I did want to say it. I often have fleeting thoughts like that that I'd like to share so Tweeting sounded like the perfect outlet for me. I even liked the name and the lingo--Tweet, Retweet, Tweeted.

I also loved the fact that there was a character limit. That totally trumps Facebook, where people can ramble on and on about politics, mundane details of their laundry or the amazingness that is their dachshund.

So I got a Twitter account. We got off to a bad start when the "handle" Writinggal was already taken. I decided to call myself "RealWritinggal." I used it mostly for my now-defunct Workout of the Week. I would Tweet about whatever topic I was covering that week and then put a link to my blog. The people who started following me were fitness people. I soon learned it was good Twitter etiquette to follow people back.

And perhaps that's why I got the feeling that Twitter was very sales-y. Seemed like everyone was pushing something (including myself). I didn't know who to follow or what to Tweet. And worse, I didn't care! I never thought to check it to see what my followers or followees were doing because I didn't know most of them.

Now, over at Facebook, I may not have seen you since high school but I still like to know what's going on in your life. But Trista Sutter of the Bachelorette? I can keep up with you in US Weekly. I don't need to read your Tweets.

So, for me, the RealWritinggal, Tweeting just wasn't fun. It was a chore. It was something I needed to put on my To Do list: Fold Laundry, Turn in Story Ideas, Make Revisions to Article, Think of Something Clever to Tweet, Blog about things I wish I liked, Cook dinner while pretending to be on a cooking show. You can see how it could get lost in the shuffle of my glamorous life.

Plus, it's all complicated with its @ symbols and #hash tagging. I really don't think it's for people born before 1980.

Then somewhere along the way I lost my Twitter password. So I must apologize to my hundreds (dozens?) of Twitter followers. I've been MIA on Twitter for months. It sounded like a great idea. I hear that people love it, can't live without it. But for me, all I can say is:

Twitter, I wish I liked you, but I don't.

Christmas Slackers

Perhaps you're tired of my rants--via verbal communication as well as social networking--about people who keep their Christmas decorations up past the pointof polite. But I feel a blog on the topic is necessary. Here's why:

I notice that the feedback I get is sometimes favorable towards the accused. I hear things like, "Well, sometimes people leave their decorations up until after MLK Day because that's when the college kids go back after Christmas break" or "Maybe they really love Christmas!" or "What's the big deal?"

I would like to address each of these counterpoints to illustrate why they are all (pardon my bluntness) wrong.

1. People leave their decorations up until after...I've heard it all--Three Kings Day, Epiphany (okay, just learned those are the same), the first full weekend in January, Valentine's Day, etc.

So how long is too long? Personally, I like mine down on New Year's Day. However, I don't expect everyone to have theirs down by then: between December 26th and January 6th (Epiphany) is an acceptable window. (But I would like to add that I did not start ranting until January 14th so the Epiphany argument at that point was still wrong as Epiphany had passed.)

2. So is it possible they just love Christmas? No. It IS possible that they choose to leave their lights up and try to say they are festive. And some lights really do qualify as "party lights," like these:

These, however, are only festive for about 40 days.

The people I'm complaining about don't even have lights. They have wreaths. A wreathe on every window--four--and then a giant wreath hanging on the front of their house. Then they've got some yard decor plus a little mailbox panache. Oh, and some ribbons on a potted plant. They put it up about two weeks before Thanksgiving (early birds are annoying but not as bad as slackers) and somehow, they found the time, energy and equipment with which to display their Christmas spirit. Now why can they not seem to find that same gumption when it comes time to take them down? How do they not just rip that big red bow off the mailbox every time they go retrieve their letters? And what about the stuff in the potted plant? Can't untie it on your way in once? Sure, the wreaths are tough but that one on the top of the house is now tattered and tilted. Just one trip up the ladder and it would be gone.

But no, as I write this, that giant wreathe is STILL there! It is February 3rd!! These people don't like Christmas. They don't have a plan. They are just plain lazy. Lazy lazy lazy lazy lazy.

3. What's the big deal? It's kind of like when I went to that doctor's office and they had the August calendar up and it was, like, November. What does it say about them? How tuned out of life are they? If these people aren't taking down their Christmas decorations, what else aren't they doing? What does the inside of their home look like? Is the tree still up? Is it a mess? And what about their own personal hygiene? Are they bathing? Or do they just forget to bathe? Oh, I know: "some people only bathe after six days..." or "maybe they just love to stink" or "what's the big deal?"

If my ranting doesn't work then I have a new plan. I am going to keep all my Groundhog Day decorations up for as many days as they have kept their Christmas decorations. And I LOVE me some Puxatony Phil...even if I have to look at him in May!

Griddle me this, Writinggal

As a minimalist, I normally shun kitchen non-essentials. For instance, we have a sandwich maker and if it were up to me, we wouldn't. I mean, a sandwich maker? I am the sandwich maker. I don't need a machine for that. What's next? A cereal maker?

But about two weeks ago I decided we need a griddle. I like to make pancakes and I could only make two at a time in the pan. And when you make pancakes two at a time, everybody eats separately. Kinda puts a damper on fun family breakfast.

When I told Frank my griddle idea he was surprised: "Where are you going to put it?" he asked. (My minimalism has infected him!) But then he said, "You've got three boys living in the house. That's A LOT of pancakes. You need a griddle."

So I am so stoked about our new griddle that we found at Walmart!

I've already made pancakes on it (as you can see) and they turned out great. The griddle has a tilt feature so we can make burgers and then let the grease drain.

We did have to do some rearranging to make it fit in the cabinets. Usually when I buy something new--anything at all--I get rid of something. Haven't done that yet.

I've got my eye on you, sandwich maker.

The Wine Goblet and The Washcloth

I was just ordering a wedding present online and pickins' were slim. The things that were left on the registry weren't quite enough for a whole gift so I needed to buy two things. I ended up pulling a Frank and buying two totally unrelated items:

--a scale and water filter replacements

I saw Frank do this at one of the first weddings we attended together. We went to Macy's on the day of the wedding (who does that anymore?) and printed out the registry. He saw that the couple needed wine goblets. Now, he didn't want to purchase the desired amount of wine goblets (four?) nor did he even care to invest in TWO wine goblets. He did, however, think it would be in poor taste to buy simply ONE wine goblet. He wanted to spend about $5-$10 more so he ventured over to the bath section with his list and grabbed a washcloth. ONE washcloth.

I'm pretty sure when he had them wrap it he told them to put the wash cloth in the wine goblet. How puzzled the newlyweds must have been to receive such a gift.

"Did Frank think we might need a wash cloth in case we spill the wine?"

"Maybe he figured after drinking wine, surely one of us would need to take a shower?"

"It probably wasn't even his idea. Bet it was that new girlfriend of his. She looked a little ditsy. Is she the one who started the macarena at the reception?"

Frank didn't understand that gifts should be themed. Like if you buy a toaster you can also buy a bread box. (Although that's a silly example because neither of us would ever spend that much on a wedding gift!) How about if you buy them a mixing bowl you can also buy a rolling pin? Or if you buy a toothbrush holder you could purchase a matching soap dispenser? Or here's an idea: If you buy them a wine goblet, get them another wine goblet!

I wonder what this couple will think of my scale/water filter replacement gift:

"Maybe she thought we work out a lot so we'll need to drink lots of water and weigh ourselves."

"Is she saying we're fat so we need to drink more water and check our weights daily?"

"It was probably Frank's idea. He's totally judgmental about weight and water and especially water weight."

Darn. Now we've insulted them. I knew I should have gone with the bath mat and the spatula.