Split Time

This weekend while in North Carolina I met a girl named Tommy Kaye. Since she was about 32 and had a husband named Frank, we became instant fries. Most of the Kinfolk were impressed by Tommy Kaye’s singing (“She sounds like Reba!") or her enthusiasm about her first grade class (“I’ve never seen someone so excited!”) but I was amazed by her super-toned bod. As a workout girl myself I had to know how Tommy Kaye got her bikini-ready physique. Here's how I found out. (And again, make sure to do your best NC accent on TK’s lines):

Elsa: “So Tommy Kaye, what do you do to stay in such good shape?”
TK: “Oh, thanks! I do the splits.”
Elsa: “Come again?”
TK: “The splits.”
Elsa: “You mean like this?” (visual: me attempting to do the splits, making it about halfway down…okay, I was really just standing with my legs shoulder-width apart).
TK, laughing: “Yeah, that’s right. I get up every morning and do the splits.”
Elsa: “And that’s your workout?”
TK: “You know, I was a gymnast growing up and I didn’t realize that everyone couldn’t do the splits. I’ve been doing them for years.”
Elsa: “So you’re telling me that all you do is the splits?”
TK: “Yep. Every morning."
Elsa: “And that’s how you got toned legs?”
TK: “Yep.”
Elsa: “And that’s how you got a six pack?”
TK: “That’s right.”
Elsa: “Muscular arms?”
TK: “Uh-huh.”
Elsa: “All from doing the splits?”
TK: “Yes, ma’am.”

I can’t believe I’ve been busting my ass in spin class, sweating like a hound dog on the 4th of July, using circuit machines, lifting weights, jumping rope and doing crunches on an incline like a sucker! And all I had to do was the splits? Do you know how much time this is going to save me? Tommy Kaye should write a book! I mean, it would be a short book but still, I think she’s got the secret to a rockin’ body! I’m totally stoked about my new workout plan.

Now if only I could do the splits.