First it was Dr. Praeger. Then Dr. Oz. Now the salty snack empire that Frank works for has tricked me.
Frank brought home this yet-to-hit-the-shelves dip called “Creamy Southwestern Ranch.” It’s like a combo queso/ranch. I know what you’re thinking. Why didn’t they think of this before? It's genius.
So I used it on our fish tacos and I got really brave and looked at the nutritional label. I saw that a serving size was 2 Tbsp and in my head I thought, “don’t be more than 150 calories…don’t be more than 150…” and to my surprise, it said “10.” I read it over and over again: Still 10.
“OHMYGOSH! It’s a dip miracle!” I thought. So strong was my jubilation that I began to put this stuff on everything:
Omelettes with Creamy Southwestern Ranch.
Salads with Creamy Southwestern Ranch.
Pretzels dipped in Creamy Southwestern Ranch.
Sandwiches spread with Creamy Southwestern Ranch.
My spoon covered in Creamy Southwestern Ranch (You know, like a soup).
I was really piling it on because I thought, “It’s only 10 calories for every 2 tbsp!”
I even called my sister and told her about it. She said, “Save me some for Thanksgiving!” I asked Frank if he could find out when it was hitting the shelves and if he could get more samples. I got my answer (January) and a whole new jar of it!
But then—and I think you know where this is going—I got suspicious. I was reading my Diabetic Living magazine (no, I’m not one but I write about it on TV…well not on TV but I write about it) and it had a hint for diabetics when they’re eating out: It said, “Watch out for descriptions that say ‘creamy.’”
Hmmm…my new fave dip says creamy. Then when I was at the store I started thinking how this particular salty snack empire always slaps a green sticker on everything that’s even remotely healthy. There was no green sticker on my dip/salad dressing/sandwich spread/soup.
So when Frank brought the other jar home the other night I shared my suspicions with him. I checked the label again. Yep. Still said ten calories. Frank said, “Well, how much is in Salsa?” We checked the salsa. Also ten calories. And everyone knows salsa is like the healthiest food you can eat. Better than broccoli. Surely, my beloved CSR dip could not be as healthy as broccoli.
And then--and this totally proves that we just see what we want to see--I saw it. The big sticker slapped across the nutritional label: FPO.
“FPO!!” I screamed. “It says FPO!!”
“What does FPO mean?” Frank asked.
Luckily, I know from my advertising days: For Placement Only.
These were placeholder nutritional facts! They probably came from the salsa!
So now I’ve got two jars of the stuff. I'll still eat it sometimes. I mean, I can't go cold turkey. Speaking of, now I have plenty for my sis at Thanksgiving. Shhh...don't tell her our little secret.