Home Sweet Extended Stay Home

I thought staying at an extended stay hotel would be glamorous—my own little apartment with a kitchenette, a living room and perhaps some decent detangling conditioner (none of that shampoo-and-conditioner-in-one crap).

I was quite delusional. Let me just say that I would LOVE some of that shampoo-and-conditioner-in-one stuff right about now.

There’s no living room, the carpets are stained, the front-desk people are rude and the halls of my non-smoking floor are, in fact, quite smokey.

Here’s how the conversation went when I called to inquire about this:

WG: Aren’t I supposed to be on a non-smoking floor?
Extended Stay Front Desk Person: Yes, you are.
WG: Well it’s really smokey on this non-smoking floor.
ESFDP: That’s because we’re renovating the fourth floor (which is the smoking floor) and we had to move all of them to the third floor.
WG: So now since smokers are on the third floor I guess it’s not really a non-smoking floor, is it?
ESFDP: It’s still a non-smoking floor. It just has smokers on it.

How do you argue with that Extended Stay logic?

Apparently over the weekend when I was in Dallas they began renovating the third floor too. I was the last to know. I arrived at my quarters to find—in addition to the carpet stains on the hall floor—paint chips everywhere and plastic covering all the doors. Well, all the doors except mine. Ah! I felt so Flatliners, having to stay in this room amidst all the remodeling. Luckily there was a message on my phone telling me to move.

So now I’m on a new floor with not-so-many carpet stains and new, non-smoker neighbors. I think I’m starting to like it here. In fact, I think I’m going to invite my Extended Stay mates over for a little happy hour. I’ve got everything we need: a four-pack of those mini-wine bottles, a giant box of Kashi and a TV with several channels. Okay, fine; I’ll invite the front desk girl too. Maybe she can hook us up with some free shampoo-and-conditioners-in-one.