Operation: Fiber-Up Frank

This weekend I became obsessed—obsessed with forcing fiber on my husband. I know the fiber craze is like so 1993 but I sort of missed it then and I’m in a fiber frenzy now. Why was I so sure that Frank needed more fiber? All the signs pointed to it:

I went to Costco, planning to stock up on the usual giant amounts of our fave staples like Kashi and Poop Tarts. But I couldn’t find the jumbo poops. I searched, I asked, I searched again. And then I became frantic and had to calm down. I was pretty sure we had a whole box hidden away in the laundry room (you have to start getting creative on where to store all the excess Costco food) or was it in the trunk of my car?

Anyway, I got home and found a disturbing sight: only four servings of poops were left in the house. That meant I either had to return to Costco, a place I should only visit every three months, or go to Kroger and pay full price for a box of 12 poops (which is only six servings for Frank).

The next sign appeared on Oprah. Dr. Oz was on, scaring us about our health, making us all paranoid as usual. He told a lady that she wasn’t getting enough fiber. That’s when it occurred to me that I was always concerned about myself not getting enough fiber and in the meantime, Frank was becoming fiber deficient! I was eating all the fiber in the house. I’m a fiber-hoarder!

I realized that maybe there was a reason there were no Poop Tarts left at Costco. Frank shouldn’t be eating them! He needs to eat Kashi with its 8 grams of fiber per serving. That’s when I took action:

I informed Frank about his fiber deficiency and suggested the Kashi idea. To my surprise, he agreed. He tried the Kashi on Saturday and liked it! We officially started Operation: Fiber-Up Frank on Sunday morning. Frank would need to start getting 30 grams of fiber a day. I made him a bowl of Kashi and two pieces of cinnamon toast (on fiber-rich bread, natch).

Fiber count: 13 grams.

For lunch we had Subway. (I had another mayo incident but that’s another story. Let’s just say it ended with me scraping it off.) I’m not positive about the fiber count but there was some lettuce involved so I’m gonna give him at least a gram:

Fiber count: 14 grams (almost halfway there).

For dinner we had enchiladas. The black beans had fiber and there was a little lettuce there too.

Fiber count: 21 grams

Dessert: 3 Chips Ahoy 100% Whole Grain Cookies

Fiber count: 23 grams

I also gave Frank a few grapes throughout the day so I’m gonna give him a couple of points for that too.

Final Fiber Count: 25 grams.

Not bad but we still didn’t reach our goal of 30. We’ll have to work harder today.

I have to tell you that Operation: Fiber-Up Frank wasn’t without casualties. I ended up OD’ing on fiber, getting 45 grams yesterday! That’s 20 grams more than I’m supposed to get. I’m gonna have to get less today to make up for it. Oh, well. Somebody’s gotta finish off those Poop Tarts.