There once was ten-year-old boy who went to the mall with his mother. He hated the mall so when an adult approached him and asked if he would be part of a research project, he eagerly complied. The assignment? To eat this new breakfast food every day for a month and fill out a report on his feedback. The kid perked up: “You want my opinion?”
His mom perked up: “Free breakfast for a month?”
The kid took his work very seriously and diligently provided helpful insight each and every day. When the assignment was over, he mailed off his report and asked his mother to continue buying him the tasty breakfast treats.
The breakfast treats were Pop Tarts. And the guinea pig was my husband. As a result of this little experiment, we now have giant boxes of Pop Tarts (which we disgustingly call ‘Poop Tarts’ or just ‘Poops’) in our pantry. Frank has eaten them for breakfast pretty much every day since he was ten. He even eats the same flavor—frosted brown sugar and cinnamon.
Sure, I’ve tried to trick him by buying the low fat kind. He wasn’t fooled. I thought surely he would like the French Toast flavor. Nah. It must be the frosted brown sugar and cinnamon. And he eats two every day so we go through them really fast. I never go to the store and don’t buy Poop Tarts.
Recently, though, we had a breakthrough—for me and for him. We started shopping at Costco. On my first trip I immediately visited the breakfast aisle. They had giant boxes of my Kashi cereal (Thanks, Thea!) and yes, they also had enormous boxes of Poops! Only problem? The boxes consisted of half frosted brown sugar and cinnamon and half strawberry. This wouldn’t work. I’d be stuck eating the strawberry and somehow I just don’t think Poop Tarts are packed with all the fiber and goodness of Kashi.
I bought them anyway and presented them to Frank. He reluctantly agreed to try to the strawberry. When he did, he said something shocking: “You know, I think I might like these better than the frosted brown sugar and cinnamon Poop Tarts.”
A miracle! After 18 years, he’s making a change. Call Kellogg’s! Tell them they can decrease their distribution of frosted brown sugar cinnamon Poop Tarts in the Dallas/Forth Worth area. We’re a strawberry family now.
Also, as long we’re talking to Kellogg’s, I’d also like to add that I’ve done some math on this. Assuming he’s spent (or his parents have spent) $3 a week on PT’s for the last 18 years, that means we’ve invested almost $3,000 in their company! Tell ‘em that. See if we can get some profit sharing going. Or another month of free breakfast. I’ll give ‘em feedback: “My husband loves your Poops!”
10 comments:
Frank, good choice on strawberry, but try Toaster Strudels, they are much better!!!
Only if they sell the Toaster Strudels at Costco!
Frank, glad you have discovered the wonders of the strawberry ones! Those are my favorite, also a big fan of the chocolate ones!
Also, never get sucked into buying the non-Kellog's Pop Tarts, they are not the same.
Have you ever accidentally bought the ones that aren't frosted?!? That stinks.
Here's a tricky one: What if all that was left on the shelf were Kellogg's Poops that were non-frosted or off-brand Poops that were frosted? What would you do?
Me, I'd go to another store.
Strawberry is the only way to go. Frosted strawberry. And I'm sure that it does count towards your daily serving of fruit Frank :) So go ahead, double up!
I know Thea, I hate the non-frosted kind, what is the point? I agree Elsa I would go to another store, to get frosted Kellogg ones.
I think somebody needs the Smores flavor.
This is really making me miss Poop Tarts. I'd buy some but I don't own a toaster (is that odd?) and it's just not the same without one.
Thea, I think I have Toaster Boy's phone number somewhere. You should give him a call. I still use the one I got from him.
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