The Pyramids of Granbury Drive

I hate pyramid schemes: Mary Kay, Southern Living, the sex toys. I’ve given in and attended a few of these parties, telling myself that I really liked the product. And yes, I did like the wine one. I was even impressed with the host when she said she had gone to school to become a sommelier. I thought, “Now this girl’s really into wine. I respect that.”

But then at the end of the evening (after I had bought my fair share of wine), one of my friends said, “Oh, and she also sells these great lotions and soaps.” What? So the lady’s just a peddler? I should’ve known.

Last night I gave in again. It was Pampered Chef. But hello? I’m totally Cookinggal now and I needed some things. Plus, it was hosted by a neighbor and I’m trying to get in good with them. I mean, driving into Dallas is getting exhausting and I need some 75287 friends. I must admit, walking across the street to a party was so refreshing and easy. Who cares if I hardly know the people? I’ll get to know them! I’ll learn to love them! Have ya seen the price of gas?

So I go with the intention of just buying a couple of things—last time I got a cool super-absorbent dish towel that I actually use on my hair—and then glazing over when she went into the “why we should be Pampered Chef consultants” spiel.

But there I was, a total non-believer, an anti-pyramider, finding myself completely intrigued with this woman’s job. I mean, if anyone could have recruited me, it would have been Fonda.

Get this: She’s been doing this for seven years, given over 700 parties and just works two nights a week. She told us about all the trips she’s been on through the PC program: Germany, Hawaii, Alaska, Disneyland and this year she’s going to Vienna.

She had a little sign up that said, “Wouldn’t you like to make an extra $400 a month?” I thought, “How cute. She makes a little spare change and then goes on some nice trips.” But then Fonda revealed something. She doesn’t mess around with no $400 a month. Yep, add another 0 to that. Fonda makes $4,000 a month working two nights a week!

I’m telling you, one more glass of wine and I would have been signing the papers. Instead, I just bought my rice cooker—which Martha Stewart told me I had to have if I wanted to make perfect rice—and walked back across the street.

So I didn’t join the pyramid of the pampers (as Frank calls it). But I did get to know the neighbors and I have to say, none seem like serial killers. But this morning I’m driving to Dallas to see my friends for the Nordstrom grand opening. Yes, it will cost a lot in gas. Yes, I’ll have to fight rush hour traffic. No, I won’t make $4,000 in the process. But they won’t pressure me to join any pyramid schemes, buy soaps and lotions or sex toys and, I have to say, that’s priceless.