I Think I'm Supposed to Talk Football

Writinggal doesn’t usually do commentary on sports. But that’s not to say I’m not a sports fan. I just only like games when something’s on the line. So last night when Texas played USC for the national championship, well, I think that counts.

We watched the game at a friend’s house and at the beginning of the night we were discussing how expensive the tickets were to watch it in person. They were about a grand which I will easily be able to afford next year after I win HGTV’s Dream Home sweepstakes.


But anyway at the beginning we were saying that was crazy. We would never pay that. But then at the end when things went our way Frank said, “It would have been worth it!”

I disagree. Yes, it would have been exciting. But look what I had: a couch, at least a foot between another person and myself, all the food I could eat (which was a lot) and all the beer and wine I wanted. You can’t have any of that at football games. You could try sneaking in alcohol in binocular-shaped flasks but I wouldn’t recommend it. Frank and I got caught once.

But my fave part about watching a football game at home is that yellow line. Before the yellow line I had to watch the crowd to know when to cheer. Sure, the guy ran with the ball but did he run far enough? How was I to know? I hope whoever invented the yellow line is a billionaire by now. It’s a fantastic invention. Right up there with Tifaux and the Internet and adhesive postage stamps.

The yellow line has changed the way I feel about football. I used to think it was just a bunch of guys running into each other and then pausing to take extremely long breaks. Well, I still think that. I mean, can’t they keep it moving? How ‘bout a little cardio, boys?

But ever since I started watching the yellow line I know there’s a purpose. They must pass that yellow line. And pass it again. And pass it again. And eventually get to the end zone (which I always understood).

Now if they could just incorporate that yellow line into the live football games, I might be willing to pay the hefty price. But only if they’ll let me take my flask-binoculars in too.