You may have noticed that one day last week I had to ban all comments from my blog. We here at Writinggal (which means just me, Elsa) don’t like to block free speech. However, on certain days it is necessary. When I have an article up on MSN.com readers are directed to my website and from there they can visit my blog or send me an email. Many do both. Before I took my phone number away, some even called.
That’s fine with me. Come on in, new readers! But some of them aren’t so nice and they leave strange comments on my blog. Hi, crazies! And I really wouldn’t want Grandma Valerie reading those. So tomorrow, November 1st, I’ll be blocking comments again and I just wanted to warn you.
Now you must be wondering, who are these readers? And what types of emails do they send? Well, I’m glad you asked. Here are some samples of my faves:
On picking up women at shopping malls:
“I personally have picked up over 40 women in shopping malls and it was the most easy and natural thing in the world.”
On successful women:
“You can either have a job or a husband but it is not true you can have it all like those militant feminists say you can. Thank you and have a nice life.”
On Writinggal:
“Are you available?”
On picking up woman at funerals:
“My experience has been, that after being exposed to all that death, women look to sex after a funeral, as a way of feeling alive. Which is why I avoid them. At the end of the reception, women are ready to nail anything in pants to the floor.”
Hope he likes Subway:
“I don't make a habit of emailing every attractive blond writing gal I run across, but you and your sense of humor caught my eye and so I'll offer this invitation: Next time you're passing through Des Moines, let me know and I'll buy you lunch.”
All-Time Favorite:
“The supermarket I shop in seems to be understaffed. Maybe you’d like me to give you the address so you could apply for a job there? Perhaps cashier? Or bagger? Just when you come to your senses and realize what a failure you are, let me know and I’ll give you the address.”
Well, I appreciate his job offer but I’m not sure I could scan all those groceries as fast as they do at my Signature Kroger! I mean, I can’t even use the self-checkout. So that’s why I better stick to my Writinggal gig. Thanks anyway!
I’ve noticed that all emails fall into one of five categories:
Love Writinggal
Hate Writinggal
Want to be a source for an article
Want writing advice
Want love/dating advice
Ah, my readers. Gotta love ‘em. Well, at least they pay the bills. Wait. They don’t pay any of my bills! In fact, I’ve got a pile of them sitting right here and not ONE reader has offered to take any of ‘em. Any takers? Angry supermarket guy? I mean, you WERE trying to help me get a new job.
So enjoy your free speech today, blog readers! Because tomorrow I could write something like “That Mother Theresa. What a bitch” and you can’t say anything! Or maybe I’ll write, “You know, that Saddam Hussein guy, he’s got some valid points.” Or I may not have time to even write a blog.
I may be cashing in on my free lunch in Des Moines.
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