Uncle Neil Comes to Visit

Not only did my secret Uncle Neil Diamond come to visit on Friday night, he played two shows this weekend for my friends at the AA center.

Frank and I went to see him on Friday. Since I still haven’t told Neil that he’s my Uncle I didn’t want to scare him and try to get free tix. But don’t you think it’s odd that we just happened to get free tickets through Frank’s work? Not a coincidence.

I learned a few things about Uncle Neil that night:

--I don’t actually like the majority of his songs. In fact, I don’t like any of the slow ones.

--Seeing him sing the songs I DO like made it totally worth it. Well, the tickets were free so I guess even watching Marilyn Manson would be “worth it.” No, I take that back.

--What I’m trying to say is I would have paid $42.50 just to see him sing my fave songs.

--When Neil started singing “Red Red Wine” I asked Frank, “Why is he covering a UB40 Song?” Frank said, “You know what? I think he wrote that song…” and then Neil did a little rap segment that went something like, “…I don’t care cause UB40’s singing my song!” Uncle Neil, I had no idea! Next you’re gonna tell me that UB40 wasn’t the first to perform “The way you do the things you do.”

Frank went to the Uncle Neil concert with the attitude, “I don’t really like this guy or his music. I’m just going cause Elsa likes him and the tickets are free.” But he came out of it saying, “That guy is pretty cool. I like the way he dances.” In fact, Frank can’t stop talking about Uncle Neil and I fear he not only will take on his dance moves, but his wardrobe, too.

Best part of Uncle Neil’s show? When he would start to talk about the next song and the crowd would figure out what it was right away:

Uncle Neil: “You know, since the last time we were in Dallas, my band and I have traveled around the world. And that reminds me of how my grandparents traveled as immigrants…”

Crowd: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Me: (on my feet) “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

America is my fave song by Uncle Neil so I clapped, sang along and saluted like a good secret niece. When it was over, I had a little tear in my eye.

After the show I went to the women’s restroom (and by the way, we were on the fancy Platinum level which doesn’t mean you get free alcohol like I originally thought but it does mean that the bathrooms are posh and the stall doors go all the way down to the floor! Now that’s V.I.P.)

So anyway, I’m in the line and these 50-year-old ladies behind me are gushing about the concert and talking about what he sang and didn’t sing and then one of them taps me on the shoulder and says jokingly, “And what is she doing here? She’s twelve years old!”

I told her, “Um, Neil and I have the same birthday. And my mother’s maiden name is Diamond.”

Lady: “So?”

Some people are so slow. “So I’m his niece,” I told her.

If she thinks I’m gonna get Uncle Neil to autograph her breasts, she can think again.