Remember my epic tale of the Subway mayo conspiracy? Well it continues--seven months later. You’ll recall that I sent a complaint to Subway via their online system. They replied with an apology and assigned me my trusty Subway customer ID. Anyone remember what it was? Congrats if you guessed 969171.
I told them that the mayo bottles weren’t labeled so how was I to know if the artist was really giving me "light" mayo? They said:
All of the bottles of any type of dressing are to be labeled to avoid any confusion to the customer as well as the employee. There shouldn't be any reason why you would have to question what an employee is preparing on your sandwich.
On my next two visits to Subway (in different locations), I still witnessed unlabeled bottles. As 969171 I emailed them again. This time I told them the exact locations where I experienced this outrage. Do you know what they said?
Nothing!!
Since then I’ve become obsessed. I’ve tried a couple of tactics:
BYOM: As promised, I took several light mayo packets from Chick-Fil-a and put them in my purse. When I would go to Subway I wouldn’t get mayo; instead I would just pull out my handy dandy light mayo packets from CF.
But then one day I was making artichoke dip for a Golden Globes-watching party and I ran out of mayo. I was freaking out until Frank said, “Wait. Don’t you have all those mayo packets in your purse?” YES! Frank and CF to the rescue!
My delight died down on my next visit to Subway when I didn’t have my safe mayo. Instead, I had to try a new tactic:
Psycho-behavior: When the artist asked me what kind of dressing I wanted, I said, “THE light mayonnaise.” (You see, I have to say it like that because if I say “light mayonnaise” then they think I mean I just want a little bit of mayo. But I can’t say fat free because I don’t think it’s technically fat free).
He picks up one of the upside-down bottles and before he squirts I scream, “WAIT!! How do you know that’s THE light mayo? There’s no label on it!” He asks his co-artist and who says, “No, it’s the other one.”
AHHHHHH!!! They just confirmed all my fears about Subway. They DON’T care what mayonnaise they give you. They probably play eenie-meenie-miney-moe or maybe they call it, “Who should we make fat today?”
He then put down the original bottle, picked up the other (which was also unlabeled) and began slathering my sandwich with it. But why should I trust this other artist who said it was this bottle? He didn’t sound confident and I’m pretty sure you don’t have to have a Master’s to work there. Not that I have a Master’s. But if I worked there I would definitely know which mayo was which. As I walked out I said to Frank (loud enough so they could hear me), “I’m wiping off all this mayo when I get home!” And I did.
Hey, I told you this was my psycho tactic, didn’t I?
You think I would just forget Subway but I love it too much. And on Sundays they have the roasted chicken special and that’s my fave. So now I’m just done with their mayonnaise and with dining in. I always eat it at home and I put on my own mayonnaise.
But I'm not giving up forever. I, 969171, will continue to pave the way for other light-mayo-lovers and their children and grandchildren. I will march on, complaining, yelling and checking labels along the way. This fight isn't over. And as God (and blog readers) as my witness, I will NEVER eat fattening mayo again!
I told them that the mayo bottles weren’t labeled so how was I to know if the artist was really giving me "light" mayo? They said:
All of the bottles of any type of dressing are to be labeled to avoid any confusion to the customer as well as the employee. There shouldn't be any reason why you would have to question what an employee is preparing on your sandwich.
On my next two visits to Subway (in different locations), I still witnessed unlabeled bottles. As 969171 I emailed them again. This time I told them the exact locations where I experienced this outrage. Do you know what they said?
Nothing!!
Since then I’ve become obsessed. I’ve tried a couple of tactics:
BYOM: As promised, I took several light mayo packets from Chick-Fil-a and put them in my purse. When I would go to Subway I wouldn’t get mayo; instead I would just pull out my handy dandy light mayo packets from CF.
But then one day I was making artichoke dip for a Golden Globes-watching party and I ran out of mayo. I was freaking out until Frank said, “Wait. Don’t you have all those mayo packets in your purse?” YES! Frank and CF to the rescue!
My delight died down on my next visit to Subway when I didn’t have my safe mayo. Instead, I had to try a new tactic:
Psycho-behavior: When the artist asked me what kind of dressing I wanted, I said, “THE light mayonnaise.” (You see, I have to say it like that because if I say “light mayonnaise” then they think I mean I just want a little bit of mayo. But I can’t say fat free because I don’t think it’s technically fat free).
He picks up one of the upside-down bottles and before he squirts I scream, “WAIT!! How do you know that’s THE light mayo? There’s no label on it!” He asks his co-artist and who says, “No, it’s the other one.”
AHHHHHH!!! They just confirmed all my fears about Subway. They DON’T care what mayonnaise they give you. They probably play eenie-meenie-miney-moe or maybe they call it, “Who should we make fat today?”
He then put down the original bottle, picked up the other (which was also unlabeled) and began slathering my sandwich with it. But why should I trust this other artist who said it was this bottle? He didn’t sound confident and I’m pretty sure you don’t have to have a Master’s to work there. Not that I have a Master’s. But if I worked there I would definitely know which mayo was which. As I walked out I said to Frank (loud enough so they could hear me), “I’m wiping off all this mayo when I get home!” And I did.
Hey, I told you this was my psycho tactic, didn’t I?
You think I would just forget Subway but I love it too much. And on Sundays they have the roasted chicken special and that’s my fave. So now I’m just done with their mayonnaise and with dining in. I always eat it at home and I put on my own mayonnaise.
But I'm not giving up forever. I, 969171, will continue to pave the way for other light-mayo-lovers and their children and grandchildren. I will march on, complaining, yelling and checking labels along the way. This fight isn't over. And as God (and blog readers) as my witness, I will NEVER eat fattening mayo again!
3 comments:
I sold telecom to a company in Richardson that is in charge of the succuess of all Subways from Dallas to East Texas, I think it was the Duggan Group or Duncan Group, look them up and complain to them. I will search for you as well.
Thanks, Scott! I'm on it! This oughta keep me busy for the next seven months.
You're retarded.
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