I Almost Cared

So the other day I was driving down Frankford and you know that intersection where it’s kinda hard to see the oncoming traffic cause there’s that tree and that pole? Well anyway, I was going like this (I’m making a gesture with my hand to indicate which direction I was going) and then this other car was behind me and I think it was a Saturn and then this red truck or maybe it was orange…no, it was red because how often are cars orange? Hey, why aren’t cars orange? Anyway, this non-orange truck is coming this way (my other hand is now perpendicular with the original gesturing hand) and I like had to swerve out of the way and the Saturn ALMOST hit me. But it didn’t.

Oh, you’re confused? Where exactly did I lose you? Was it the description of the intersection? The random hand gesturing? Or when I said there never really was an actual wreck?

People, nobody wants to hear your ALMOST-car-wreck stories. If there’s metal-on-metal action, feel free to tell it. If there are injuries, have at it. If the airbags inflate, by all means, share your story. But if it’s a false alarm and you just drove on your merry way, we don’t care! Once you start using your hands to represent the cars that didn’t actually make contact, that’s where I get bored. No, I don’t know what intersection you’re talking about. No, I don’t understand which car is which. I don’t even know the difference between north and east. And I’m not doin’ the “never eat soggy watermelons” trick for your accident-that-never-was story.

And as long as I’m being honest, I’m not all that interested in your fender-bender story either. It really needs to be a major collision to garner my curiosity. Or maybe if there was some verbal argument that ensued after the minor wreck, then I would care. Like the time I backed out of the H.E.B. parking lot and hit a lady’s grocery cart. She went so crazy on me that I thought I hit her. But she didn’t speak English so I wasn’t really sure. She just started yelling in Spanish and waving her arms about. I tried to listen and gather some context clues but then she started using her hands to represent my car and her cart and I just had to get outta there. Yawn. BORING.

Me and the Civ. We almost got in a lot of wrecks together. But don't worry, I won't tell you about them.