Frankosophies Take Two

Hello. It’s Monday the 13th and you know what that means…time for more Frankosophies! Okay, Monday the 13th has nothing to do with it; I just came up with some more to share with you:

Frank on Public Restrooms: Jacquie was telling me the other day that the festival on Greenville for St. Patrick’s Day can get kinda crazy and yucky: loud, drunk people plus port-o-potties. I said, “Port-o-potties? Frank’ll love that.” She said, “What? He LOVES port-o-potties? I feel the exact opposite way about them.”

Hmmm…she had a point. I, too, detest port-o-potties (and not just because I once walked out of one sipping a beer I hadn’t gone in there with). Why am I married to someone who enjoys these portable poopers?

I still don’t have a clear answer but his jubilation was apparent when we did visit the St. Patrick’s Day party and as soon as we paid our $6 to get in I said, “I hate it! Let’s leave!” Frank said, “But can we at least get a beer and use the bathroom first?” I looked at the long lines in front of the p-o-p’s and suggested that we just go back to the house we came from and use his non-portable restroom that maybe only 30 people had used versus 300. And then Frank said the words that no one has ever uttered:

“But the port-o-potties are my favorite part!”

On Video Stores:

“With the way video stores are these days you’ve got two extremes: your Blockbusters with your Barney and your Square Pants or your Triple X, hard-core porn warehouses on the interstate. There’s no in between! Back in my day we had the mom-and-pop video stores which had the family stuff plus a little room in the back with the soft-core porn. Now I ask you, where is my son supposed to go to get soft porn?”

It’s kinda sweet how he worries about the fate of our children.

On Buffets:

“It’s only a good deal if you can stay for two meals!”

On Reading Material in the Bathroom (I told you they were mostly potty-related):

Frank will not go into the restroom without something to read. He’ll take anything: a brochure, a Glamour magazine, a grocery list…he prefers to use our guest bathroom upstairs because then he can take his laptop. But what do I mean “take” his laptop? It just stays in there! Right now there’s a laptop and lots of reading material in there. I call it his “multi-media center.”

You should have seen the St. Patty’s Day crowds go crazy when he took a Dallas Observer into the port-o-potty.