Late-Night Look-alikes

I know how Tarja Halonen, the President of Finland, feels. People say she looks like Conan O’Brien.

How can I relate?

I have been told I resemble late night talk show hosts as well.

First, it was Jay Leno. This was because of my under bite I had growing up for which I had surgery to correct. I can’t be certain that anyone actually called me Jay Leno but as I’ve said before, I fear people said it behind my…chin. Also, whenever I explain to people that I had this under bite they say, “Oh, like Jay Leno.”

Yes, that’s right. I looked exactly like Jay Leno.

And until yesterday I didn’t think that having similar features as a rich entertainer meant that I, in any way, could have even the slightest bit of his success.

But then…another comparison…

I was at the Periodontist talking about this gap I have in my lower bottom teeth. Yes, even though I had all this jaw surgery hullaboo thirteen years ago I still have a gap. (Note to the kids: when your orthodontist tells you to wear your retainer every night, DO IT!)

So the Periodontist was talking to me about options for this unwanted space. After he finished listing the not-cheap solutions, he said, “But then again…David Letterman has that gap in his teeth and look where he is. I don’t think he’d be as successful without that.”

Um, so you’re saying I should strive to look like this?

I mean, come on. Can't I get a classic gap-toothed beauty comparison like Lauren Hutton?

How 'bout crazy-crucifixion-crackin' Madge?

No, you had to go with David Letterman.

These two comparisons can’t be coincidences. They can only mean one thing: That I will also one day have my own late-night talk show and make millions of dollars despite my dental failures.

Or maybe I'll just become the President of Finland.