Extra! Extra!

I have an article in the paper today. That usually means I have to run by the store and buy up extra copies in addition to the one I get on my doorstep. I need these extra copies for my archives, to send to prospective editors and to send to my Writinggal groupies (i.e. my parents and grandma).

Today, though, the article is about my grandma. And it even has a picture of her in it. I imagined her opening the envelope with her one copy with all the relatives gathered around. They would inevitably call me and, after raving about my article of course, ask for their own copies. I started tallying up all the relatives and realized that I would need, like, 72 copies.

I don't know if you've ever bought a lot of something that most people don't normally buy a lot of, but I actually have a lot of experience in this area. So today as I drove from store to store, gathering up all the newspapers, I had to get pretty creative when people would ask me, "Why do you need so many copies of the newspaper?"

Some of my favorite responses:

"I LOVE the news!"

"Gotta stay informed!"

"I like to read all of them and see if there are any discrepencies."

"No, I don't sell them on the street corner for a profit."

"I have a lot of birds."

"I'm a paper mache-ing fool!"

Believe it or not, the "I have an article in it," is their least favorite so I usually avoid that one.

When I worked on the Mrs Baird's account I always had to buy a lot of sweet goods for one reason or another ("We ran out of donuts at the State Fair!" or "We need 175 cinnamon rolls for D.J. deliveries...stat!")

I loved it when I'd buy 50 cinnamon rolls and then have to ask, "Do you have any more cinnamon rolls?" The cashier would be like, "Um...I think you have enough."

Sometimes I'd buy an assortment of sweet goods: donuts, cupcakes, honey buns...I'd just pile them right there on the conveyor belt. And when the questions came, I had answers:

"I'm on an all-sugar diet."

"Are you kidding? These are awesome! I eat them for like every meal!"

"I heard that they might be discontinuing them so I'm stocking up."

"No, I'm not eating disorder girl. I'm Crazy Mayonnaise Lady."

When I worked on the Dell account, I had to buy a bunch of computer-stuff for a photo shoot. I know; you'd think our clients would provide us with this stuff but no, I had to call India and order it. So efficient. Come to think of it, though, the guy on the other end of the phone didn't wonder why I was ordering a bunch of Dell DJs. I guess that's not that weird.

But what is weird are the people that DON'T ask when I am buying a lot of something that people don't normally buy a lot of! Like sometimes I'll go to Barnes and Noble and buy seven copies of the same magazine and I really WANT them to ask. I want to tell them, "Oh, it's because I have an article in it! See? It's about how blueberries rule! There's my byline! I'll show you my credit card and prove it!"

Alas, they don't care. They'd rather me just say something like, "I'm going to stack them up and use them as a kitchen footstool."

I'll continue to come up with more clever responses for next time but right now, I'm buried under 72 copies of the newspaper.