Why Green Day Rocks

Ah, who can forget Dookie? I was in high school. I remember when “Welcome to Paradise” came on the radio…

No, no. I don’t really think Green Day rocks. I mean, they sort of do. And their songs are perfect for spin class. Okay, maybe I’m a closet Green Day fan. But that’s not what I’m talking about here today.

This is a sequel to my orthodontist story from yesterday. Don’t worry; the title still fits:

On my first visit to the orthodontist I met this hygienist who was really friendly. We’ll call her Hygienist Heather.

Hygienist Heather chatted with me the whole time I was there. She was very excited to have someone her age as a patient. Although I don’t know how she was so sure I was an adult. Hello? I was wearing my cool Felix the Cat t-shirt!

Still, she wanted to gab about everything from how it seems like scrubs would be a cool thing to wear to work but really, they just make you fat because you don’t realize how much you’re eating to her five-year-old daughter to how she didn’t want to come to work that day because she had gone out the night before and was a little post-dundies to my article about your friends making you fat to…okay, I think that was it.

So at the end she walked me to the front desk and told the receptionist, “She needs to come back in two weeks and it MUST be on a green day!”

The receptionist said, “Okay! I’ll schedule her on a green day!”

Huh? What the heck’s a green day? For some reason (maybe because I was still giddy about dodging the braces bullet) I didn’t even ask.

So when I returned last Friday I wore a green shirt just for the occasion (even though I still didn’t know what that occasion was). I figured that, whatever it was, it meant that Hygienist Heather would be there and she wanted to make sure she was assigned to me since we were now BFF.

After they called me back I saw that everyone was wearing green scrubs. “So this is green day!” I thought. I scanned the office for my gal pal Hygienist Heather. I couldn’t wait to show her my improved gap, tell her about what’s been happening with me during the last two weeks and hear about her dating life. Oh, the chatting and giggling that would go on!

I saw her quickly walk past my chair to help another patient. Okay. So she was busy. I mean, it WAS green day after all. (I don’t know if that really means anything.) I figured she would come over to my chair when she got a chance. I glanced up at the computer screen next to my chair that had all the notes about me on it. You know, “Oldest patient we’ve ever treated…has the biggest gap we’ve ever seen in our lives…real freak show…belongs in a circus…” stuff like that. But then I saw in all caps: MUST COME ON A GREEN DAY!! They were really serious about this green day thing. I mean, they put it in writing.

As everyone started gathering around to look at my miraculous gap closing, I peered up at all of them to see if Hygienist Heather was there. I figured I’d give her a high five. Or maybe a hug since we’d bonded so much at my last appointment. But then I glanced out
the window and saw a terrible sight… Hygienist Heather was walking to her car! What was she doing? Going on her lunch break? When me, her BFF and E, her LYLAS her Sistah was sitting here in the chair…ON GREEN DAY!!

I felt betrayed. I mean, even if she was in a hurry she couldn’t give me the universal sign for “call me?” Sure, I don’t have her number and I’m not all that certain about her real first name but still…

When I made my next appointment I asked the receptionist, “That’s not a green day, is it?”
“No,” she said, “that’s a red day.”
“Good!” I told her, “Because I HATE green day!”

Then, by some strange coincidence or maybe a twist of fate, over the speakers I heard a musak-version of Green Day’s “Good Riddence:” It’s something unpredictable but in the
end it’s right. I hope you had the time of your life.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Green Day does Freakin’ Rock.