E.S.B.

Are you about to have a baby? I bet I can guess when it will be born. So far I’m two for three.

I got cousin Nicole’s right:




I got Misty’s wrong:


But just yesterday I predicted that Kentwood’s finest would deliver that very day:



Now I can’t predict the date far out. (If I could I'd be able to retire after winning gobs of money in baby shower contests.) I just sort of get this feeling the day it’s happening.

With cousin Nicole I knew she was due sometime towards the end of August. So on August 17th I just happened to look at the calendar and out of nowhere I thought, “Hmmm…I wonder if Nicole is having her baby. I always liked the 17th. That sounds like a good birthday.” Then, since I had been staring at my calendar for at least five minutes, contemplating why I love the 17th, my picture slideshow on my computer started up and this photo of the two of us appeared:




I said out loud this time, “I KNOW Nicole is having her baby today!” Later that evening we got the email that this ten-pounder, Matthew, joined his sister, Maddie, and brother, Michael:



I thought I had it right with Misty, too. On August 30th I got that feeling again. Well, mainly I thought, “Misty is due in August and the month’s almost over. I bet she’s having her baby right now!”

That evening we got an email from Misty with nothing in the subject line. I yelled to Frank, “I haven’t opened this email but I’m gonna say right now that this is a picture of Misty’s baby. I KNEW she was having it today!”

Turns out she had it nine days earlier. Darn.

Here is Madison anyway because, even though I got it wrong, she’s still super cute:






And then there was Brit. I swear I didn’t even know her exact due date. All I knew was that it was sometime in September and that it was Sean Preston’s birthday. But I didn’t know S.P.’s b-day; I just glanced at an US Weekly that had a pic of Brit on the cover and said to Frank, “I’m gonna say it. Britney Spears is at the hospital right now and her baby was either born today or will be born tomorrow.”

Then this morning I regretted that prediction. Why was I so bold? I had guessed Misty’s all wrong and I’ve known her forever. What made me think I could guess the fourth Fed's birthday?

And then Kidd Kraddick told me I was right. Brit delivered her bundle yesterday, 9/12.

Now, before you start asking me to predict if you’re having a boy or a girl, if the baby will grow up to resent you or if Brit will ever get rid of her pregnancy weight, remember, I can’t foresee everything—just due dates.

But if you want my opinion, I say that by September 15th, she’ll be hitting the Cheetos again.