My job as a freelance writer is pretty cool. But I've had jobs that have really sucked: cashier at Michael's Arts and Crafts, car hop at Sonic, telemarketer and the worst...outside sales person.
It was the memory of that job that lead me to create this list: the best and worst jobs ever. It's a study I've conducted. My method of obtaining this information? It's my opinion as a person who has had both cool and crappy jobs. I'd like to share the results with you:
Let's start with the bad news (especially if you actually have one of these jobs):
--Outside Sales Person (big surprise): "Outside" doesn't necessarily mean that you are outside but that you have to seek sales yourself rather than having them come to you (inside). But if you are outside, like I was, it's even worse. In my sales job, my boss didn't think I was bringing in enough business so he asked me to bring him 15 business cards the next day--to prove that I had actually been out in the community, pestering people to buy overpriced ad space. I went to the local Mexican restaurant, picked up their fish bowl full of biz cards and brought the cards to my boss. Oops, forgot to take them out of the fish bowl. So I just dumped them out and put the fish bowl on his head. Wait, that was my fantasy. In reality I just quit the damn job.
--Anything at a Big Corporation: My husband says, "I like working for the man." And it's true, there is security in working for companies like computer giants in Austin, airlines in Irving and salty snack makers in Plano (but I don't mean to imply any particular companies nor do I or anyone in my family have a history with them). But if you work for a big corporation, you inevitably will work with people who say things like, "Hey. I see you're wearing a blue button-down shirt too. You must have gotten the memo" or "It's Tuesday. Just four more days till Friday!" or "Saw your funny email. You must have WAY too much time on your hands!" It's just not worth it.
--Home Depot and or Lowe's Sales Associate: When I see those guys it takes me back to my Michael's Arts and Crafts days, where just because I was wearing an official-looking smock, people thought I had the answers to all of their arts and crafts problems. I didn't know where anything was in the store and if I did, I certainly didn't know what to do with it. Same goes for these home improvement places except the stores are seven times as big and the questions are way more complicated. Good news: Everytime someone asks where something is, the smocked sales associate always personally walks them there. And that's a hell of a lot of cardio.
And now the good news. Except none of you are qualified for any of these jobs:
--Co-host of Live with Regis and Kelly: Please note that not all hosting gigs are as good as this one: Katie Couric, for example, has to host for three hours which requires her to get up at like 4am and she has to know about all sorts of stuff from politics to health news to bad movies. But Kelly just has to host for one hour and all she has to do is chit chat with Regis for about 14 minutes, chit chat some more with a cool celebrity guest for 8 minutes, listen to a band play for 4 minutes and the rest is commercials. Why she would choose to spend the rest of her day taping a mediocre sitcom is beyond me. I'd run outta there at 10am yelling, "Woo hoo! Mark Conseulos, let's go cash my check and go home!"
--Duchess: Again, don't get carried away and think all royalty has it made. Being a princess or a queen is no good--too much responsibility, too much exposure. Being the duchess of a small country is the way to go. You still have all the perks: clothes, great house, plenty of fancy cheese...it's like you're on vacation all the time. If you do happen to become a duchess, don't ruin it by being a spokesperson for Weight Watchers. Just hide out in your castle eating cheese!
--Mid-Day DJ: Sure, the morning and evening DJs are on the air during the popular drive times but all that means is you either have to get up early or refuse all invitations to happy hour. Think about it, if you're the afternoon DJ, you get up about 9am, work from 10am-3pm and then go home in plenty of time for Oprah. You could even hit the gym but why? Nobody sees you!
Thank you for reviewing the findings of my study. I know what you're thinking: with research results as well-calculated and analyzed as this, I must have way too much time on my hands.
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