I shop at a "Signature" Kroger. What does that mean? I think it means that they have a special organic section that attracts flies. And I'm pretty sure it means everything is at least $.37 more than at a non-signature location. It should also mean that the people are very classy and considerate. But it doesn't. I found that out yesterday when I went through the Express Lane.
You've probably noticed that the Express Lane has evolved over the years. It used to require that you had minimal groceries and that you paid in cash. I know, cash? I haven't carried cash since the Clinton administration. So now you can pay with a credit card and even a check (yeah, not since the first Bush administration). But the minimal groceries? That's a keeper.
So in this particular Express Lane the sign said very clearly "15 items or less." I had seven (I came in for just six but thought I'd try one of those Kashi Crunch cereal bars in the fly-infested organic section. I'll let you know how it works out). I got in line and noticed that the lady in front of me was unloading a whole cart full of groceries. Now if you have trouble counting to 15 here's a good little trick: If your shopping trip warranted a cart, you don't belong in the Express Lane.
So what did I do? I glared at her. And I wasn't the only one. The Signature Kroger Cashier (SKC) did too. When she handed the Express Lane Liar (ELL) her receipt she rolled her eyes and said, "You saved $10.68." Here's another handy trick: if you saved more than a $1, you don't belong in the Express Lane (Hey, I think I've got a Jeff Foxworthy-style routine on my hands: "If you need help out with your groceries...If you have to lift a case of beer from the bottom of your cart...If there's no room on the conveyor belt to put one of those divider sticks...)
When it's my turn the SKC starts to rant, "You know, people like her make me so mad. She knew EXACTLY what she was doing. She acts like she's entitled. That's what gets me. I wish I had said something." I said, "I wish I had said something too, SKC." When I carried my seven items to my car (see? no need for assistance) I thought of all the things I could have said to ELL:
"I don't want to start a grocery store brawl but you have way more than 15 items."
"Um, excuse me. Maybe you didn't see the giant sign that's lit up above us? It says 15 items or less. And yes, I'm counting your pack of 72 paper towels as one item but you're still over the limit."
"I'm gonna go ahead and read this Star magazine cover to cover because that's how long it's gonna take to ring up your 15+ items!"
I'm really mad at myself for not saying anything. I'm like one of those victims in a Lifetime or Oxygen movie who doesn't report the crime and then the best friend says, "But if you don't tell, he'll do it to other girls." That's me. I'm letting ELL hurt other Signature Kroger shoppers.
But I'm not giving up. I'm going to go to the SK every day until I find another ELL. Then I'm going to tell them how I feel. And I encourage you, blog readers, to do the same. You can even borrow some material from my routine: "If you have time to run back to the frozen aisle to get the Hot Pockets you forgot..."
8 comments:
If you don't stick up for your express lane rights, then the terrorists have won.
It's part of an SKC's job to tell ELLs they are in the wrong line. You shouldn't have to confront another customer. Maybe a little email to the store's general manager would be a good way to resolve your exasperation without leading to a potential crazy person waiting for you outside.
I like the Lakewood Minyards. Not a great store, but they play oldies on the store PA and who can resist buying tuna while singing "I FOUND MY THRILL...ON BLUEBERRY HILL!"
Dis: But poor SKC. She was an old thing. This is obviously her post-retirement job. And if I get her in trouble, she'll have to go be a greeter at Wal-mart. Which actually wouldn't be that bad. But if I did it, I'd put a clause in my contract that said I'd only greet, not corral carts in the parking lot.
T: You have the right attidue. And you're not the only one. Lindsay Lohan won't let those terrorists stop her either. That's why she spent $619 on a pair of brown and white pin-striped pants.
You don't have to get anybody in trouble or mention the old lady's name. Just tell the Boss Man that you've noticed other customers abusing the express lane and you'd appreciate some help. Perhaps the manager on duty could patrol the lines at peak hours and tell ELLs to move to another line before they even get to the SKC. So lowly hourly wagers and indignant shoppers are spared.
I see the Tom Thumb management walking the aisles all the time. They helped me find a seasoning I wanted once. It wasn't in the spice aisle and the guy looked for it all over the store until he found it for me. You can use my story and threaten to shop elsewhere if they don't start enforcing the 15-item rule.
Just got back from NYC, and this would never happen there. Someone would defintely say something. We witnessed this in a Petco. The line was growing longer and there was only 1 cahsier. One customer yelled, "I know that girl over there knows how to use the cash register, why is she not checking people out." This was of course after we almost witnessed an all out brawl between some people minutes before. Whole other story! The Big Apple is not a place for Lifetime/Oxygen victims. Kristin
The customers and pets are much more civilized at the Signature Petco.
Don't even get me started on when they open a new lane and just grab the LAST person in a line to get the privilege of the new lane. That's SOOOO unfair.
The Military Comissaries don't put up with it. But I have lived all over the country, including the territory of Guam, and I don't put up with it. Then again, I grow up just north of New York City.
Dis: By the time the person with the 15+ items got through the other line, you would be long gone.
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