I have to say, the highlight of my week is when my Us magazine arrives in my mailbox. It must get here by Monday or it throws off my whole routine (and then my friends at Us will inevitably get a nasty email from me). You see, I read it while doing the elliptical machine on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And if I dare pick it up before that, then my week's ruined. Frank will sometimes start to flip through it (amateur!) but when he says something like, "Jessica's butt looks big in this picture," I say, "Shhhh! Don't spoil it for me!"
And when Tuesday comes and it's just me and Us, I don't just jump to the Brangenlina story like some sort of savage. I read it from the first page to the middle (usually making it to "The Record" which is all the news...not as many pictures).
But by far my favorite section is "Stars--they're just like Us!" This week I learned that Jessica Simpson tried on new clothes. Hey, sometimes I try on new clothes! Except she ended up spending $11,000 in one spree. I haven't spent that much on clothes in my entire life. And I'm counting the days of Z Cavaricci. Then there's Eva Longoria who towels off after swimming in the pool. Me too, Eva! Nobody likes a wet bathing suit. Except you're at the Hotel Roosevelt (where all the stars who are just like Us sunbathe) and if I went to a hotel pool where I didn't have a room (even, let's say, the Courtyard Marriot) I would get kicked out. And there's Cindy Crawford. She "chows down" just like me! It says she even helped her kids finish their food. Cindy, I love to grub too. But clearing off other people's plates? I mean, I at least wait until after they leave.
It's great to know that these people, who are like my imaginary friends, do normal things that could make them my real friends. I mean, Paris Hilton and I could pump gas together. Hey, Teri Hatcher, wanna take out the trash? Kate Hudson, I don't sew but I'll shop for yarn with you and Uma Thurman! Those big celebrities are just so down to earth. I bet they print out my blog and read it while they're on the elliptical machine. Stars--they're just like Elsa!