An Army of Elsa

Let me just start by saying that I am crazy. Not crazy fun. Or even crazy psycho. But more like crazy in a regimented sort of way. I've realized over the last few months that I time everything.

For instance, when I'm drying my hair, I like to get it done in six minutes. I keep my sports watch in front of me and blow dry in 30-second increments: 30 seconds for the left side, 30 seconds for the right, 30 seconds to the back, flip it over, 30 more seconds. Now I do change it up sometimes and do 45 second increments or reverse the order. So at least I'm not scary regimented.

Today I was doing laundry and I decided I would try to transfer the clothes from the basket to the washer in five grabs. And then the same for the transfer from the washer to the dryer.

Eating is the worst. First of all, I don't eat during commercials. That wouldn't be a timing thing except I make it one. At breakfast time I prepare my food while the local news is playing on the Today Show (hate the local news; prefer the missing people, wedding planning, teacher sex scandals on the national show). I time my preparation just right so that when I sit down in front of the TV with my bowl of cereal, they're playing the commercials that run prior to the next Today show story. Then I patiently wait until the story begins before eating. Sometimes they trick me. Katie and Matt come back with a little teaser and I barely get two bites in before some pharmaceutical drug is flying around the screen.

If my food is too hot (usually a problem at dinner time), I estimate how long it will take to cool down and I time that before I take a bite. I try to get Frank to do this but he always eats his hot food and inevitably burns his mouth. The other night I asked him to just try it my way and you should have seen us--me watching my stop watch with him holding his fork in anticipation: "How much time do I have left?" he'd ask. "23 seconds!" I'd say, slapping his hand as he tried to take a premature bite.

What else do I time? Traffic lights, showers, online bill paying (hey, I got that from the Bank of America commercial) and don't get me started on work outs. After all I wouldn't be my own little army if I didn't start each day with boot camp.