A Literal Loss

There's a word in the English language that has been rendered useless. And it's because of people like you.

The word is "Literally" and I for one have boycotted it.

Definition: a manner that accords with the literal sense of the words.

You misuse the word in not just one, but two ways.

For example, some people use it when they don't mean literally at all. They just want to add emphasis to what they're saying: "The people were literally thrown to the wolves" or "I am so hungry I could literally eat a horse."

And some people (probably the same people) use it when it's very obvious that what they're saying should be taken literally: "I literally can't eat another bite" (sorry, it's always about food with me) or "I literally fell asleep at 9pm last night." Unlike our friends who observed the massive wolf attack and then feasted on an entire horse, these events are actually likely. In fact they are so likely that the word literally is quite unnecessary.

What if I had an actual occasion in which to use the word literally? Not that I would since I boycotted it but just imagine: I witness my husband eating an entire box of Krispy Kremes (again with the food). I may say to a pal, "Frank literally ate an entire box of Krispy Kremes" and because they would understandably assume that I meant 6 or 7 Krispy Kremes I would have to add, "No. I mean LITERALLY ate the entire box--like all twelve of them" (although I believe KK has 18 per box which is just disgusting).

As you can see using the word correctly is just too stressful. You've all ruined what could have been an effective tool of communication in our language. It just gets me so mad that I could literally run around like a chicken with my head cut off. Now that doesn't make any sense but I'm trying to make a point.

Please join me next time as we discuss the inconsistent use of first and third person voices in Christmas letters.