Oprah’s in Re-runs and Regis & Kelly are Trying to Trick Me

What a TV disaster. Now I don’t want you to get the impression that I just sit around and watch TV all day but I do allow myself to check in on R&K and Oprah. I Ti-faux R&K at 9am and then when I eat lunch I watch their “host chat” which is about 15 minutes. I fast forward when Regis talks about sports, boring news items or himself. So really whenever Regis talks. Then I may or may not watch the first guest.

Then about 4:30 I get hungry again and that’s when I have my Oprah snack. I watch her on Ti-faux too so I fast forward through the first ten minutes when the crowd cheers for O and then I fast forward through commercials. So that’s about a 40 minute show.

But the summertime has messed up my routine. First of all, I don’t watch Oprah at all because she’s in re-runs. And like I said before, I can’t watch an Oprah re-run even if I’ve never seen it. So now when I eat my snack in the afternoon I have to resort to reading the paper. But I miss you, O! When are you coming back?

And Regis and Kelly, what you’re doing to me is downright despicable. Your show is supposed to be live (it even says so in the name) so you can’t have re-runs. Instead, you just pre-record shows a couple of days prior to the actual day and just plain lie about it! You can’t fool me. Here’s what you do:

Monday—Normal, live Regis and Kelly
Tuesday—Normal, live Regis and Kelly
Wednesday—Normal, live Regis and Kelly BUT after that show they secretly tape Friday’s show. I guess they tell the audience, “Just play along. We’re going to say it’s Friday but it’s really Wednesday.”
Thursday—Kelly has a guest co-host (last week it was creepy Geraldo...ew) while Regis flies off to tape his cheesy talent show.
Friday—The fake show! If you look down at the bottom of the screen when R&K walk out it says in very small print “This show was previously recorded.” Then they come out and say “Hi, everybody. It’s Friday, July 28th…” Well if it really is then why aren’t you talking about the weather outside?

Then, to confuse us even more on Monday they’ll talk about their long weekend. I haven't watched yet today but I know they’ll say things like “On Friday when I was in the Hamptons…” But I thought you were here, talking with that girl from Windfall? Seriously, I don’t know how they keep the lies straight.

"Reege, I think your pants are on fire!"


I like watching the Regis and Kelly fake show about as much as I like watching Oprah re-runs. Now I think I finally know what they mean when they say “The dog days of summer.” And my remedy for getting through them? I need a house in the Hamptons.