Ann Curry, get outta there!

And while you’re at it, take Richard Engel with you. Every morning when we turn on the news we see you fools, sitting in these dangerous areas, bombs exploding right behind you, giving us the updates. Is that really necessary? Couldn’t you just sit in front of a green screen and project the images behind you?

Ann, you could still wear your black puffy vest if you wanted to. But, come on, don’t they make those in any other colors?

Don’t get me wrong. I agree it’s more compelling to have you there but that’s only if you’re DOING something. Just sitting there and reporting the news doesn’t give me any more info. than when Natalie Morales reports it from studio 1A in Rockefeller Plaza.

Now, Anderson Cooper, he does it right. He’s right there in the thick of it. He’s actually chatting with Hezbollah dudes! He’s like, “We’re here in Hezbollah territory, you know, where all the bombs go off. Oh, here comes one now. We better get close so we can get a good shot of it.”

Do I want him there? No way. I love A.C! BUT if he’s gonna risk his life; at least he’s getting some good television out of it.

It’s kinda like if you’re gonna get in the pool, you might as well get your hair wet. Or if you’re gonna eat that piece of cake, you might as well have ice cream too. Or if you’re gonna have one baby with K-Fed, you might as well have a litter.

Ann, you’ve got a family back home and Richard’s mom is worried about him! It’s not worth it. Get on the next flight (or cruise ship) home. Before you leave, give my best to Andy.

Oh, and bring me back one of those puffy vests.