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Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I'm not a Rapper. But I used to be.

In the summer of ’89 my friend Jaime and I memorized a :60 commercial for Computer Learning Center in Houston. This is no “My bologna has a first name…” It’s a complicated mix of rap, prose and repetitive phone numbers.

We sang it several times a day that summer, to the point where her two-year-old brother even knew some of the words. Family and friends would request us to perform at gatherings. We really should have taken our act on the road. We could be rich by now. But there are two very sad facts about this story:

1. The frightening amount of TV we apparently watched that summer.
2. The fact that, 16 years later, we still know all the words and when we get together, still sing it. And by the way, this is against the request of our husbands.


Because I know you are bursting with anticipation, I will perform it for you now:

First scene: Man is working at a fast food chain. His boss comes in and yells, “Hey Shorty, fifty double meat, double cheese!”

(Rappers Enter)

Rappers:

Hey, man. You think you’re cool.
Well I think you better get in school.
Flippin’ those burgers just ain’t your style
But workin’ with computers can make you smile.

Get a career, not just a job
Become somebody different, not part of the mob
Earn some money, get some respect
You can make it big, ain’t that correct?

Girls in short dresses:

Yeah!

Rappers:


CLC that’s where you need to be.
Try CLC and you will soon see
That minimum wage is not where it’s at

Girls in short dresses:

So whatcha waiting for? Step up to the bat
And call 781-6800, That’s 781-6800
You get hands-on training and it’s quick not slow
So call 781-6800 (aside: this was the days before Houston had four area codes. I'm so old.)

Rappers:

If you qualify, don’t you see?
You can get financial aid, call CLC
Call us now, don’t be slow
Don’t you wanna see your income GROOOOOOOW? (aside: this is where Jaime’s little brother would chime in. He’s in college now. I'm really old.)

Girls in short dresses:

CLC. CLC. CLC. C-L-C!!

So there you have it. Jaime, I know you’re singing along. You better be. We’ve got the 20th anniversary coming up in just four years and we need to get ready for the big tour.

And yes, we are auditioning for opening acts. But you’ve gotta be good. We’re not taking “Big Mac, McBLT, A Quarter Pounder with some Cheese, Filet-O-Fish, a Hamburger, A Cheeseburger, A happy meal…”

I’m ashamed to say I think we’ve already got that one covered.

9 comments:

ReadBecca said...

Mary Lee Hall and I wrote the "White Girls Rap."

W-w-w-w-WHITE
W-w-w-w-WHITE
W-w-w-w-WHITE GIRLS RAP!

That's the only part I remember.

Writinggal said...

You're in.

Anonymous said...

My friend Heather and I choreographed a whole dance to Madonna's "True Blue". We had prop lace glaves and everything!

Writinggal said...

If you can do the same routine and wear the same costumes but do it to "Borderline," you're in.

Liz said...

....McNuggets,Tasty Golden French Fries, Regular or Larger Size....

I'm in.

Anonymous said...

I was actually looking for the lyrics to the CLC song and your page was the sole result when I googled for it. Thanks a ton - now I knwo I'm not the only person who remembers that rap. I was in the 4th grade at the time and the song has lingered in my head since then! - dan

Bryan Peters said...

I'm so glad you wrote this... I thought I was the only person on the planet that can still rap this on command.

Rollo1123 said...

I have been searching the Internet for someone else that remembers this commercial! My best friend and I used to sing/rap this all the time... I wish someone would upload it to YouTube already!!!

Chris said...

I remember this song! I had most of it memorized, too.