Ring Ring.
Call girl: Welcome to Medco. I am an automated assistant here to take your call. Please tell me the reason for your call today.
Elsa: What? Just tell you the reason? How am I supposed to say "You sent me back a note saying I can't get reimbursed for my claim because I didn't have the pharmacist sign my claim form but I really did?" Isn't there a list of options? Preferably one that will get me away from you?
CG: I'm sorry. I don't understand. Could you repeat that?
Elsa: Uh...Claim.
CG: Okay, would you like us to mail you a claim form?
Elsa: No.
CG: Would you like us to mail you a brochure of our services?
Elsa: What? NO! (to self: Does anybody EVER want that?)
CG: Would you like us to mail you a list of our pharmacy partners?
Elsa (screaming): NO! N.O.!! Can I just talk to someone please??
CG: Okay, let me just verify your address.
Elsa: NO!! DON'T YOU DARE MAIL ME ANYTHING, CALL GIRL! I JUST WANT MY $20 YOU OWE ME! LET ME TALK TO A HUMAN!! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOOOOOOUUUUUUU!
CG (still irritatingly cheery): I don't understand.
Click. (There would be banging here but you can't slam down cell phones. Sucks, doesn't it?)
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Ring Ring.
Call Girl: This is American Airlines flight information system. To get you up to date on departure and arrival info, I'm going to ask you a few questions. By the way, if you've already used this system, you can say the answer before I finish the question. I don't mind interruptions.
Elsa (to self): I love the FliFo girl. Her voice is so soothing and conversational. Plus, she doesn't mind if I interrupt her!
Call Girl: First, what's the flight #? It's okay to say "I don't know."
Elsa (to self): How awesome. It's okay if I'm totally unprepared and stupid--which I am! (to FliFo girl): I don't know.
Call Girl: Okay, let's find out which flight you want. What's the departure city?
Elsa (to self): She's so sweet. Like a second grade teacher. It's like she's holding my hand through this whole traumatic experience. (to FF girl): Dallas.
Call Girl: Now is that for departure or arrival info?
Elsa: I just love your closed-ended questions, FliFo girl! It's so much better than that Maniac Medco girl who's just like, "So whaddya want?"
Call Girl: I'm sorry. I don't think I understand. Could you repeat that please?
Elsa: That's okay. I didn't really need flight information. I just think you're cool and wanted someone to chat with. Hey, do you like margaritas? With salt or without? If we go to happy hour and you start chatting about flights and I get bored, can I just interrupt you? I love it. You and me are gonna be the best of friends.
9 comments:
You can interrupt Bank of America Dude too. He also learned that I don't like to say the commands. I like to push the buttons. So it automatically logs me in that way. I hate it when you speak the commands and it doesn't understand you. I SAID "DEPARTURE" YOU BITCH! I'M GOING TO MISS MY FLIGHT! That's me every time I go to the airport.
When I finally talked to a person at Medco yesterday, I complained to him about the automated system and how it doesn't understand my voice. He said, "They're made to understand a Midwestern dialect--with no accent." What? Is he saying I talk like a hick?
And dis, I think you just called my new best friend a bitch.
No I didn't. It's an entirely different bitch I'm talking about.
Also, people from the midwest do SO have an accent. So their dang machine is calibrated wrong for Texans.
I know a person that works at Medco in the call center here in Vegas. He's an idiot (Probably the guy you talked to). Medco girl is probably his girlfriend cause he's the Medco slut.
fun-ny!
That's definitely the same guy, Jes! My guy was an idiot and I thought I heard slot machines in the background.
Maybe your dislike of CG is deeper than what you described. You associate CG with a Pharmacy/doctor/illness which is bad, and Flifo you associate with travel which is good.
Just use the internet next time.
Well if I used the internet I wouldn't have a very interesting blog today now would I?
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