I now pronounce thee husband and...husband?

Gay marriage. What a controversial issue for writinggal to cover. We go from discussing the hotness of Huey Lewis to a hot political topic. You just never know what you're going to get at writinggal's blog. I'm like a box of those darn chocolates. Mmmm....chocolate...

Okay, but back to the issue. California lawmakers have approved a bill allowing same-sex marriages. Now they're just waiting to see what the Terminator will do. That made me think of a theory of mine that I've shared with many people and it's sweeping the nation. Well, it's just sweeping the few people I've told about it but now that it's practically in print, it will surely sweep my blog audience.

I call it the "11 point system." It's a device, really, to help you determine if a guy you're dating (or your friend is dating) is gay--not that there's anything wrong with that. Only time I'll say it. Promise. Here's how it started:

A friend of mine in college was dating a guy who was clearly gay. Except it wasn't clear to her or even to him. So a few of us sat down with her and made our case:

He loves to sing.
He only has female friends.
He loves to shop.
He's obsessed with his hair.
He's got more clothes than you.
He takes longer to get ready than you.
He thinks driving around and looking at houses is fun.
He gets jealous of his female friends because they're so pretty. They make him feel ugly.
His voice sounds feminine.
He's very interested in moving to San Francisco.
He'd rather help you with your make-up than make-out.

We were keeping count and when we got to #11 I said, "Now, come on. Do we need to go on? That's ELEVEN points. I say, once you have eleven, that's a pretty fair assumption."

So if you were just reading through the list I'm sure you were thinking, "But my boyfriend loves to sing! My boyfriend has always liked San Francisco! Is he gay?" No. That's only two points. See, most guys (and even girls) have a few points. Take Frank, for instance: He's not into a lot of boyish activities like sports, hunting or fixing cars. And my friend Scott Womack. He has a lot of female friends. And so what if he chooses a swirl margarita over a beer? He doesn't have nine more points so he's still in the straight-zone. And hey, I actually BOUGHT the Brooke Burke calendar to hang on my wall. Totally have a girl crush on her. But I don't have eleven girl crushes. Well, maybe I do but that's still one point, don't you think?

When I explain the system I also get a lot of, "So what ARE the eleven points?" No, no. There isn't a pre-determined list. This isn't a bitch hunt. There are probably hundreds of qualities out there. You just have to determine if you or the potentially gay person have eleven. That's the magic number.

And my results are full-proof. My friend's college boyfriend who inspired the system has since come out. Good for him. He's now able to get $300 hair cuts without having to worry about what some girlfriend (or her sorority sisters) will say. I hear his hair is fabulous by the way.

So if you've read this and determined that you or your loved one may have eleven points, that's cool. You may soon have a lot more options: the Disney wedding, the Napa wedding or even the Alcatraz wedding.

Oh, and just like a good politician I somehow distracted you and avoided saying what I think about gay marriage. Well, let me see. We heteros don't seem to be getting it right with our divorce rate at 50%. So why not give someone else a shot at it? I'll just leave it up to the Terminator (who has at least eight points himself). If it's okay with you, Arnie, it's okay with me.