Halloween Highlights

It has been a solid 30 days of Halloween hysteria at our house. Leo loved the holiday more this year than ever. He liked getting scared and scaring me: "Mommy, I have a surprise for you..." which was always a rubber spider. And he invented his own costume--a skeleton pirate. 

Here he is at preschool--a parade, class pic and his party: 

Admiring the Jack O Lantern pizza:

Gus, our itsy bitsy spider, tried to get in on the trick or treating fun. He would walk up to a house (without his bucket), grab candy with both hands and then try to walk into the person's house.

He's thinking, "I have no idea what's going on but I think I like it!"

Here are a couple blurry pics of Leo, the pirate skeleton, trick or treating with our fireman neighbor:

They were very brave. They only needed their daddies to carry them at one particularly scary house.

And then a couple of post-Halloween pics of Leo, getting into the Texas spirit at La Hacienda Ranch:

I hope Leo knows that as of November 1st, he can no longer scare me with spiders!

October Smorgasbord

Yikes! I haven't posted lately and I have lots of pics to share. They don't really fall into one theme so please enjoy this buffet of October photos: 

Fun at the pumpkin patch: 

Carving a Jack O Lantern. Leo was so excited about this that his nose bled:

Testing out the Jack O Lantern in the pantry:

Gus having his first lollipop after his 15 month checkup at the doctor's office:

The boys in the cart at Costco. "Why are there Christmas decorations?" Leo asked. "Good question," I answered.

Just hanging in front of our house:

Playing with cousin Ellie a few days after her third birthday. Leo was so excited to play with Ellie that he got another nose bleed on the way to her house! And if his love for her wasn't evident enough by THAT, then notice how he is wearing a crown and holding a doll!

Gus and Charlie: Cousin Buddies!

Leo and Ellie playing in the baby bed:

Leo at Walgreen's after pajama day at his school.

And here is Gus, telling us that he's ready for bed at 6:00.

Social Politician

There's a lady in Frisco who is on the prowl. She's looking for friends for herself and her family and she won't stop until she finds some. She's at the playgrounds (all of them), at the mall, at the library, at preschool, at church. Nobody is safe from her. She usually starts with, "So...how old is she?" pointing to your child. Then, after she gets you to open up a little, she comes at you with the "we just moved here" angle. Then, come to find out, she's not really a newcomer; she was just gone for awhile. "But we're brand new to Frisco," she says. "Feels like a whole new world!"

Okay, if you haven't figured it out yet, this lady is me. This making friends business is a lot of work! It involves approaching people, smiling non-stop, asking questions and remembering names. That is why I liken it to being a politician. It's like, "Choose me! Vote for me to be your friend! I'm fun. I like to drink wine...unless you don't. But then again, if you don't, I'm not sure this is going to work out." I could compare it to dating but I want lots of friends, not just "the one."

And I not only have to make friends for me, but for the kids and Frank too! See, Frank is too busy to make friends and even if he wasn't, he's just not willing to put in the effort. Then there's Leo. He will only play with a new friend if I go up and introduce him and give them an idea of what to play: "Hi, what's your name, little boy? How old are you? Well, this is Leo and he's four and a half. He LOVES to play tag. Do you like to play tag? You're it!" Gus, who can't even talk yet, might be the second best friend maker in our family. He went up to a little girl his age at the playground and poked her belly button. She loved it. Instant friends.

Whenever I consider whether to go somewhere or not, I have to give myself a little pep talk: "You gotta get out there! You're never going to meet people sitting on the couch." (Like a mom of two little boys ever gets to sit on the couch but still, you know what I mean). So yesterday I went lots of places and met plenty of constituents (I mean potential friends) along the way. Here is a conversation I had with Frank about it:

Me: I had a very socially productive day.
Frank: What did you do?
Me: After preschool drop-off I took Gus to the park. I met a mom there who has a kid Gus' age and a kid Leo's age and the older one goes to the same preschool.
Frank: Score.
Me: I know! And she said that she was organizing a play date for her son's class. I am totally going to do that too!
Frank: You should.
Me: I will! Then I went to story time at the library with Gus and this one lady kept talking to me. I thought she might be a potential friend. But then she mentioned that this kid she was with wasn't hers; she was her nanny.
Frank: Fooled by the nanny again!
Me: I know, right? Then Gus and I went to the playground by our house and I met this other mom who has two little girls, one Gus' age and one who is three.
Frank: Sounds like potential.
Me: Yes, and I talked to another nice nanny who I've met before.
Frank: So many nannies!
Me: Well, they might be too young to be my friends but the kids they take care of could be Leo and Gus' friends. So then I went to pick up Leo at preschool and I told a few of the moms in his class about the play date idea.
Frank: Did they like it?
Me: They weren't like jumping up and down but they snub me either. Then I took the boys to the playground at preschool (Gus' THIRD playground that day! He's working as hard as I am!) and I facilitated a game of hide and seek for Leo and two of his classmates. I also chatted up another mom while I was at it.
Frank: Wow, you've been busy today.

Being new is exhausting. And it's not enough just to meet people once or twice; I have to see them and talk to them consistently. That's when I can take it to the next level: "So are you on Facebook?" or "Let me put your number in my phone so we can get together. Do you text?"

Maybe I will start passing out business cards or bumper stickers: "A vote for Elsa is a vote for the whole Simcik family! Four friends for the price of one!" or "Become Elsa's friend. She won't stop until you do."

Mr. Clean

Gus is a man of few words but he understands lots! Watch how well he listens to me at clean-up time. This will surely last his entire childhood, right? 

A Facebook Kind of Birthday

I think I just need to admit that I'm obsessed with Facebook. The signs are all there: ever since I got my iPhone5, I'm on it more than I used to be; I talk about people's status updates more than I talk about people's 3-dimensional lives; I write it about it on my blog way too often! I confirmed this last one because I just now did a search on my blog posts for "Facebook" to see if I've ever written about the above topic. I haven't. But I've mentioned Facebook in TEN posts.

So here's my eleventh:

I think it's silly when people wish their Facebook friends "Happy Birthday."

I don't post birthday wishes on people's wall. Why? Because either I am so close to them that I already sent them a card or called them or personally texted them or I am so not close to them that I didn't know it was their birthday anyway. And even though Facebook told me it was their birthday, what do they care if I write "Happy Birthday" on their wall?

Oh, but they DO seem to care. Every time it's one of your FB friends' birthdays you can expect the following:

Your newsfeed is filled with exciting, personal messages for the birthday boy/girl:

"Happy Birthday!"
"Hope you have a great day!"
"Have a great birthday!"
"Happy Birthday!"
"Hope your birthday is wonderful!"
"Happy Birthday"
"Happy B-day!"

Then towards the end of the day the birthday person will post: "Thank you for all the birthday wishes! I feel so loved!"

Really? That's love? Facebook telling hundreds of people you never talk to in real life that it's your birthday and they each spend half of a second to write a lame, cliche message on your wall?

Another reason I don't like to post birthday greetings on people's walls is that, I am really good at remembering birthdays. So let's say it's a friend from college's birthday and I knew that before I even logged onto Facebook. Then I get there and everybody's all, "Have a good day!" and "Happy Birthday" and blah blah blah...then if I write something, it looks like I only remember because FB told me. For awhile I used to say, "I already knew it was your birthday. Facebook didn't have to tell me..." but that sounded kind of obnoxious, don't ya think?

Here's a for instance about how much people don't know when your birthday actually is: I saw this girl post the other day "Thanks for all the birthday wishes but it's not actually my birthday. Not sure why Facebook got it wrong. I woke up and thought it was April."

So it's not like FB was just a day off and people went along with it. It was SIX MONTHS off and most of her FB friends did not even realize it. Turns out her husband did it as a joke. But still, it proves my point about my impersonal it is.

Also, you know how I don't like unoriginality? Well, it's actually kind of hard to write anything other than "Happy Birthday." I mean, what else can you say? So when I used to post on people's walls for their birthdays, I felt this pressure (self-inflicted) to write something original. And since I couldn't really come up with anything (and I'm anti the whole scene), I now boycott Facebook birthdays.

So now you're wondering if you should wish me well on January 24th. You did know that was my birthday, right? If you do post, I won't hate you. You are more than welcome to. But if you don't, that's okay too. In fact, I removed my birthday from Facebook so I can see who REALLY knows it's my birthday.

But that trick didn't really work last year because when the people that did know it was my birthday posted, the people that didn't know saw that and just joined in. And since it was also Thea's birthday I noticed that friends we had in common posted on her wall for her birthday and not mine! Made me feel jilted.  So I decided to write this post:

"Getting a massage on my birthday!"

Then I got all the FB birthday wishes like everyone else does and eventually had to end the night with:

"Thanks for all the birthday wishes! I feel so loved!!"

A nap time debacle

Gus had been sleeping for maybe 20 minutes when I went upstairs to check on him (monitor in the shop). Leo was in his relax time but I heard so much movement in Gus' room I thought Leo was in there (something he did last week). I went in Leo's room and he was there so I said, "Oh, good. I thought you were in Gus' room. Sorry."  

Then I went into Gus' room to see what all the noise was and found THIS! 

Gus only sleeps with his blanket--not books, toys, balls and every stuffed animal he owns! I first thought Gus did it but that was impossible. And when I saw that the bathroom door to Gus' room was ajar and Leo had a smirk on his face, I didn't need anymore evidence. Now I am just trying to think of a suitable punishment for Leo, the nap robber!

Note: Leo thought up a punishment for himself: no candy until Friday. I added to that "no show after relax time" and "go to bed early because Gus will have to go to bed early tonight." 

He did not take it well. 

Crash Course in Ring Stacking

I think Leo got the stacking rings thing down when he was about nine months old. I blame Gus' delay in stacking on my own neglect. I just haven't worked with him on this skill a lot. But before bed time the other night, I put in the time and effort. Gotta make sure this boy has more than just his good looks going for him! 

Thick as Thieves

Leo told Frank that he can't wait until Gus is four so that they can have even more fun playing together. Of course Frank had to quickly do the math and explain that Leo would be seven by then. But they are having plenty of fun playing together now (when Leo's not taking toys he's deemed too "special" away from Gus, "accidentally" smacking him with something or stealing Gus' precious blanket).

At the YMCA Play Center Frank said every time he walked by he saw Leo just following Gus around. And at the church nursery, Leo would only enter if Gus was going too. When I peeked I saw them sitting next to each other.

And then tonight Gus was sitting in his high chair having a snack and Leo asked if he too could have a fruit bar. When I gave it to him I said he could eat it anywhere in the kitchen and he pulled his little chair up right next to Gus because he wanted to sit next to him. Aw...

I Love Lamp...The Sequel

Okay, so I've got some bad news: Remember my awesome lamp? It was destroyed in an unfortunate incident involving a four-year-old boy, a husband and a football. That was weeks ago but I have yet to find a replacement because a). I was in a mourning period and b). It's hard to replace something that you adored.

The good news is that the lamp shade remained unscathed in the tragedy. So I searched online for a non-breakable lamp to go with my super cool translucent shade with no luck. My mom and I even carted the shade around the Frisco Mercantile (the suburban equivalent of a flea market), looking for a worthy base. Nuthin'. The always helpful Thea emailed me a link to a metal, round-shape lamp that might be indestructible. Alas, I told her that half my household would probably think a round lamp was a ball and use it as such. She suggested that I get a rubber lamp in the shape of broccoli.

So, as you're starting to understand, it is quite difficult to properly light a home with rambunctious young males. Oh, and then I had one other criterion that was hard to fulfill: I didn't want it to be wooden/brown. I really wanted a tiny bit of red, to match my rug and the lamp shade. But really, any splash of color would do.

And that all leads me to today when I went shopping with my mother-in-law, Granny Jo, at the biggest Kroger in the whole world. It is so big, in fact, that you'll need to remind me to write another blog about it. So we're in the furniture department (yes, it has an extensive home decor section) and we see that they sell lamp bases.

And...ta da...we got this one! It was $31.99 with my Kroger card. And yes, I know it's kind of brown. But it's like a shiny, metal brown and when my lamp shade shines upon it, it has a tint of red. And y'all, it SWIVELS! So if you're on the love seat, you swivel it over there and if you're on the couch, you can swivel it that way.

And if you're a four-year-old and a toddler, you swivel it round and round until it breaks. So we'll see how long this lasts. 

Santas and Syringes--in one place!

We used to make fun of this store in my hometown called "Video and Yogurt." We thought these types of combination stores were just silly. Where do people come up with these ideas? Well, I recently found one in my new hometown. I don't want to disgrace this establishment by saying its name ("Video and Yogurt" is long gone so no harm there). But this place sells "medical supplies and collectibles." It's a strange store. You walk in and to your left you see things like bandages, tape, gauze, blood pressure monitors, nebulizers and wheelchairs. To your right you've got about a gazillion Christmas ornaments Santa statues and Disney figurines. They're barely separated. The adult diapers are right next to a Snow White ornament. But that's okay because each ornament has a tag that says, "Not a toy. For adult use only." (Hmmm....not sure about the wording choice on that one.) Oh, and since these ornaments are "collectibles," they're like $125!

And speaking of high prices, their medical supplies ain't cheap either. I glanced around and couldn't see why someone would schelp over to the medical/collectible store for overpriced bandages when they could get them at their neighborhood Walgreen's.

So where did this business model come from? "I want to start a medical supply store but I also have all this Christmas crap lying around my house. BRAINSTORM!!"

OR was it like, "I know a lot of people want to buy overpriced Christmas stuff but they're always driving out to the big Canton flea market for it. Maybe I could mark it up here in town and save them a trip." And then someone else said, "And you know a lot of people who like to buy adults-only ornaments also need Depends and crutches. So maybe you should sell those too."

So like I said, I'm not here to slam any small business owner so I won't reveal its name. However, if you are in need of a Donald Duck knick knack and a walker but really don't want make two trips, send me a note cause I've got JUST the place for you.

Freedom!

Gus LOVES being able to walk down the street. He would never stop!

Smart Phones and SAHMs

Back in 2008 when I accidentally became a Stay at Home Mom, (I thought I was primarily a writer with a baby as my secondary job but it turned out to be the other way around) I joined a playgroup. The moms in the playgroup were emailing about getting together--what time, where, which type of Goldfish were preferable--cheddar or multi-colored, typical SAHM chatter. One mom sent this email:

"I can meet up at 10am. Sent from my iPhone."

This was amusing to me. Why would a SAHM need a smart phone? I thought. I even mentioned it to Frank later. "What does she do with this iPhone--Schedule play dates? Answer time-sensitive emails about poopy diapers? Navigate her way to Kroger's?" Ridiculous. No, me and my flip phone were just fine.

But quickly all the other SAHMs started sporting Blackberries and iPhones. They were all checking their email on the go and using the apps and the calendar. I realized that I, too, was always out and about and if I had to wait to get to my home computer, I would miss out. SAHMs plan everything via email and Facebook--parties, playgroups, meet-ups. We share tips; we commiserate; we sell, trade, barter. It's like a business and it's all done online. A computer just doesn't cut it. Because another thing I found out is that, even at home, the only time you can look at your computer is when the kids are sleeping. Well you could miss a whole day's worth of business if you waited for that.

So in 2009 I got a Blackberry and became a SAHM with a smart phone. And I LOVED it. When you're home with kids you can feel isolated but when you can quickly check your smart phone, you're able to text with other SAHMs, read their Facebook posts and plan quick trips to the park. I went from knowing one SAHM with a smart phone to knowing only one SAHM without one.

Just last week Apple announced the iPhone 5 and who was one of the million-plus people who pre-ordered one? ME! Not Frank, an important business executive. Me, the Stay at Home Mom. It was critical that I not only had a smart phone but I had the latest and most up-to-date version. I'm supposed to get it sometime this week. I'm so excited, considering some sort of bejeweled case. I'll have to see what the other SAHMs in Frisco are doing. I bet I can even blog from it! So from now on you may see posts that end with "sent from my iPhone."  And the best part is that the kids can play with it when we're at restaurants so we can eat in peace.

I'm also excited about Siri. Hmmm, I wonder if she can advise on important SAHM matters like the pros and cons of a carpool drop-off,  what will happen if my kid eats mac and cheese for dinner every day and which is superior--the Diaper Genie or the Diaper Champ?

Leo Goes to School

It's been a long, hot, school-less summer. And to add insult to injury, the preschool we selected for Leo didn't start until today--9-13! But it was worth the wait. So far, St. Francis' Little Friends Kids Day Out seems like a good fit for Leo. The teachers are so warm; they hugged him when he got there and when he left.

As part of the drop-off routine in the "Doves" class, parents have to read the "question of the day" to their kids and then the kids graph their answers using a magnet with their name on it. The question today was "Are you excited to be here?" The choices were "Yes," "No," or "Not Sure."

Most kids had put "yes" and one had said "not sure." Leo immediately answered "not sure" so we moved his magnet there. I appreciated his honesty and if I can be honest too, I was glad he didn't say "no." I also thought this might earn him a little extra attention from the teachers.

So when I went to pick him up I asked him how he felt about that question now that he had spent the day at school. "At first I wasn't sure but now I'm happy to be here!" The teachers heard us talking and said, "Yes, he even moved his magnet!"

I was so happy I cried. And then I could feel myself crying and thought, "stop crying, you idiot" which made me cry even more. And then Leo was like, "Why are you crying, mommy?" The teachers had to explain that mommies cry because they're happy and it's silly but we do it.

Here are a couple more pics. One is Leo and his giant back pack and the other is at school with his nap mat.

They're really cute but try to hold back your tears.

A Day at the Beach

I LOVE the beach.  I love palm trees. I love looking at the ocean. I love the sound of it. I love beach grocery stores. I love how most people there are on vacation. I love beach houses. I love shells. I love sand dollars. I love swimming in pools by the beach. I even think I love "long walks on the beach." I just love that whole beach vibe.

I used to use that phrase "A day at the beach" to describe something that was carefree, relaxing and easy.

But when we were in Galveston last weekend, I said, "Why do people say 'a day at the beach?' This is hard work!" My brother-in-law, David, said, "They aren't talking about the beach with kids."

Exactly. The beach with kids is totally different than the beach I was describing above. The beach I'm talking about involves sitting in a lounge chair under an umbrella. Or even better--when someone brings me a drink with an umbrella in it. The beach with kids involves about an hour and a half of preparation before even stepping foot on the sand:

--Locate swim suits and swim shirts for two kids--12 minutes
--Slather on sunblock--22 minutes (includes squirming, protesting and sometimes escaping)
--Find and pack beach shovels, buckets, toys, floaties, hats, sunglasses and towels--18 minutes
--Prepare for an inevitable beach diaper change--extra swim diapers, wipes, trash bag--6 minutes
--Pack snacks--My God, the snacks!! Leo--Mr. "I can eat a piece of cheese and be full for 4 hours"--is somehow ravenous at the beach. He requires a yogurt tube, a Luna bar, infinite Goldfish and a juice box--24 minutes
--Get myself ready--swim suit, sunblock, cocktail--8 minutes

Then there's the schlepping. Even though we were beach front, we were still weighed down with chairs, boogie boards, bags and babies.

So the kids play in the sand which is kind of cute but ugh, who wants to play in it with them? Not me. But you HAVE to! These are memory-making moments, people! The sand-throwing, digging and the burying, you gotta do it all. And you must photograph it. I usually leave most of that to Frank but still, sitting in your chair and sipping a fun drink is frowned upon when you're supervising sand play. The chairs we brought are really just for stowing all the stuff.

After about 45 minutes of quality beach time, you gotta schlep back to the house for another hour-and-a-half of de-beaching--taking off the wet bathing suits and de-sanding the kids. Sometimes this involves a full-on bath which means no way are we going back to the beach that day.

Sure, it's all cute in the pictures but if you were the one who had to clean out the sand in the crevices of these children's bodies, well, you'd be begging for a drink with a little umbrella in it.

The Need for Speed

Last week--Gus' first full week of walking--he waved his arms around and moved at about .25 miles per hour. Now he's FAST!  Check out our speed demon! 

Walking Man

This past week, while we were visiting family in Houston, Gus decided to become a walker. The first day he walked 40%, crawled 60%. Each day that walking percentage got higher until he got to his current state of 90% walking, 10% crawling. 

I think people stay that way for a long time. I mean, just today I was crawling on the floor to pick up Goldfish and clean poo poo. So I guess I'm 90/10 as well. 

Here is a phone video of him walking AND kicking a soccer ball. 

Water People

One day in mid-July I noticed that our water tasted disgusting. To me, it felt like I was drinking moth balls. My friend Jacquie was visiting and I think she was grateful that I noticed it too. Otherwise, she would have had to sneak off to buy some bottled water and then stash it in the guest room.

I was sure it was our filter. "We just changed it!" Frank said. "Well, change it again!" I insisted. He did. Still moth balls. And I'm talking about the water from the filtered dispenser on the fridge, not just the water from the sink. But can I tell you about the water from the sink? It's so bad that it STINKS! Even brushing your teeth is icky. (Now I've moved on to the water from the bathroom sink, just in case you visualized me brushing my teeth in the kitchen as I did when I re-read that last sentence).

And it's not just our house. It's restaurants too. I actually almost ordered EVIAN, y'all. But then Jacquie talked me into trying a bunch of lemons. That worked and was way cheaper.

So come to find out there's something going on in the northern Dallas suburbs with algae in the water. It's a summertime thang so we should be back to our just regularly-odd tasting water by fall.

In the meantime, I had to buy those heavy, 2.5 gallon water dispensers. "I'm so happy you did that!" Jacquie said. (I was totally right that she was plotting to get her own stash.) Frank, however, said, "So now we're water people?" (Glad I didn't tell him about my potential Evian purchase.)

I mean, it's not like I was talking about getting one of those coolers with the little triangle cups.

Those were funny times, by the way, when we used to have those things and the water delivery guy came to your house. Bet that business is slow. In the northern Dallas suburbs, though, they might be getting more requests.

"Yes, we HAVE to be water people now, Frank! I cannot drink that stuff. I can barely brush my teeth with it," I told him.  I do actually still brush my teeth with it because I'm not going to keep a gallon water jug in my bathroom like we're at a Mexican resort.

So anyway, being water people is such a pain. Did you know these water dispensers don't just work automatically? You have to puncture a hole in the top, twist and break the seal and let it all spill out before you can lift the 200 pound container into your fridge?

And while we're gulping down the paid-for water, Leo insists on sticking with moth balls. He says the store-bought water is too cold. I think he's just loyal. We may be water people, but he is the algae kid.

Brothers + Best Friends + Lollipops

We had a great time visiting our dear friends in Atlanta last week. Unfortunately, I lost our camera (second time in a year) so I just have these two adorable pics that Claire sent me. But they are perfect for sharing what Leo told me yesterday: 

"I love Gus more than you. I love you so much but I love Gus the most. I love him more than lollipops. I love him more than ice cream." 

I'm sure John feels the same way about Tyler. 

Stepping Out

Of course he would wait until AUGUST to walk!

Our camera ran out of room before this one finished but trust me, there were several (well maybe two) more steps! 

Here, he is assisted by Daddy but you can just tell he's got it down! 

I don't think this is going to be his main mode of transportation just yet; he's such a speedy crawler that it really is more efficient. But as far as his baby book goes, we're counting today, August 10th, his 14 month birthday, as the day he took his first steps! 

TSA's Target Market Leak

When I was working at an ad agency on a food account, we had a term we used internally to describe our target market for the sweet goods/convenience store products: "Bubba" was a 18-35 year old male who worked a blue collar job and drove a truck. He stopped in at convenience stores on his lunch break and, luckily for us, grabbed cupcakes or donuts to go with his equally unhealthy lunch. He also frequented NASCAR events. While working with the race track on our sponsorship for a NASCAR event, I learned that other marketing people knew Bubba too. "Oh, sure. I know Bubba!" said the lady who handled advertisers for the track. "We owe everything we have to Bubba!" 

Of course, when we made signage for this event or in the convenience stores, we didn't say things like, "Bubba Special: Buy 1 get 1 free!" or "Bubbas Welcome!" We didn't call Bubba Bubba to his FACE. It's an INTERNAL marketing term. You don't talk about your target market TO your target market. 

The marketing department at the Transportation Security Administration, however, doesn't seem to get this. They came up with what looks like an internal marketing plan, a training program really, and made external signage for it. Have you ever seen these at your airport? 

While traveling this week I read this sign in disbelief. And in fact, it's even changed a little. The top one now includes "people traveling with more than 3 oz. of liquids." So let's say you are new to traveling. Are you going to see this sign and go, "Oh, I better get in the lane with families, groups, people who need assistance and people who have more than the approved amount of liquids--The LONGEST line! Yes, since I'm new, I think I'd like to spend a lot more time in the security line. That sounds awesome."

Or how about this? "I'm a dopey Casual Traveler. I've got my baseball cap on like that guy. I sort of know what I'm doing but I have too many carry-ons. I better go in the kind of long line. Doop-dee-doo, here I go."

The Expert Traveler is like the teacher's pet. Look how smug she looks in that picture. "I'm the Expert Traveler. I'm like the female George Clooney in Up in the Air. Except I'm not as good looking. But I only carry a brief case and of course, I know to take out my lap top before going through the screener."

I just don't see what good it is to show people these categories. I mean, I've never been to an airport that  enforces the lines. You can go in whatever line you want. And are we supposed to categorize ourselves? If that's the case, wouldn't you see a bunch of Casuals and Newbies in the Expert line? I mean, everyone just wants to get out quicker.

I think these labels may have been helpful for TSA workers. If they could quickly identify a passenger, they could know how to handle them. Dopey baseball cap: "Sir, let's make sure this extra carry on is going to fit." Family with stroller: "Do you have any liquids for the children?" Expert/smug looking business person: "Go right on through, ma'am."

But as it stands now, I'm pretty sure they just took an internal marketing plan and leaked it to the outside world, making us all feel like nothing more than a bunch of Bubbas, minus the trucks and donuts.