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Monday, February 01, 2021

The end of "Cold = Cold?"

 When the experts--CDC, Fauci, Hoda--tell us how we can best protect ourselves against Covid-19, this is what they always say: 

  • Wear a mask
  • Wash your hands
  • Don't go outside without a jacket
  • Stay 6 feet apart 

Wait. Which of these things just doesn't belong here? 

That's right!! Nobody says anything about wearing a jacket! And while we're at it, nobody says we shouldn't go out with wet hair or with our ears uncovered. This brings me much joy because I feel hopeful that maybe NOW the 75% of people (and I'm being generous) who believe these things will finally realize: 

Although I am hopeful, I still think we might need to do some FAQs to really drive this point home: 

Q: But Elsa, I understand that you can't get Covid-19 from being cold but what about the common cold? 

A: Believe it or not, Covid-19 and The Common Cold have a lot of similarities--the main one being that they are both classified as a VIRUS. And you catch a virus from people, not from weather. 

Q: Hmmm I guess that makes sense but what if I go outside with my hair wet? Won't the cold air penetrate through to my head and I will catch a cold? 

A: No. Again, the air outside does not give you a virus--cold, flu, Covid-19. In fact, being outside whether it is cold or not is a great way to PREVENT getting a virus because you are not in close quarters with people. 

Q: Then explain why people get colds more often in the winter. 

A: Cause they stay inside too much and spread their germs. 

Q: What about windows? Do I need to keep all of my windows closed so my house doesn't get drafty and I catch my death? 

A: You could catch your death if you leave your windows open--by falling out or someone breaking in and murdering you. But no, you will not catch your death via a cold. 

Q: What do I do if my kids refuse to wear a jacket when they go outside during the winter? 

A: Nothing. It truly doesn't matter. 

Q: No way!!! 

A: Yes, way. And while we're at it, could everyone please stop asking my son Leo where his jacket is? Do you ACTUALLY want to know its whereabouts? Because the answer is, it is in a closet. 

So are we clear now?! I realize I am not a doctor, a nurse or even a medical office receptionist, but you can trust me. I am a writer AND a group fitness instructor.  Or don't and bundle up, close your windows and dry that hair. 

Tuesday, January 26, 2021

Thank the Lavender

 Hello, my name is Princess Covida and I am on day...243...189...356...oh it's been so many I can't keep track anymore...of my Covid Isolation. 

I'm trying to scratch these marks on the wall of my cell so I don't get confused about what day it is. 

Oh, wait. My wall has two marks on it. It has been two days in this guest room with an en suite bath. How did I get here? That's where the lavender comes in. 

Sunday, 1/24, was my 44th bday. A dear friend popped over to drop off a gift--this lovely lavender plant: 

I couldn't smell it. Even when I stuffed my face way down in there, no lavender scent. I couldn't smell hand sanitizer, laundry pods, dryer sheets, Irish Spring soap. You get the idea. So I got a test and here I am. Day two. 

I am going to interview myself so I can hopefully answer some of your burning questions: 

Do you know where you got it?  
No. Also, that is my least favorite question. 

Are you taking anything for it? 

Do you have any other symptoms besides not being able to smell or taste? 
Not really. A little bit of a stuffy nose. And I get super sweaty in the middle of the night. TMI? 

What do you miss most about the outside world? 

But it's only been two days. How can you miss Target already? 
It's kinda like how you miss Chick Fil-a on Sundays even though you can go there Mon-Sat. 

Um, what about your kids? Don't you miss them? 
Well, I can hear them. Very loudly.  Plus I have to FaceTime Gus every few minutes to make sure he is doing his schoolwork. He enjoys looking at himself on the camera more than listening to me. Can. you blame him? 

What are your accommodations like? 
I'm in our guest room which has a bed and two night stands and a TV.  The window looks out to the street which is awesome for spying on, I mean checking on the neighbors. 

How about the amenities?  
Funny you should ask. Those could be better. I get my food delivered outside my door from an untrained chef who often gets my order wrong. (When I say AVOCADO I don't mean NO AVOCADO!!) Also, I have to get my water from the bathroom sink. I mean, I know it is the same water but's from the bathroom. BUT he did do a good job making and delivering my coffee this morning. The dishes are starting to pile up in here though and I wish I had a dumb waiter that would clean, sanitize and send them back down. Maybe I will invent that while I am stuck in here. 

How do you keep your spirits up, Princess Covida? 
I appreciate you finally addressing me correctly. Oh, you know, I meditate. I stick my head out the window for some Vitamin D. I walk in circles around the room, trying to get my 10K steps in. 

What have you learned about yourself from this experience? 
I smell my own armpits A LOT. I guess I am always checking to see if I need to shower. And you just don't realize that you stick your nose in your armpits until you don't have a sense of smell. Every time I do it, I think, "Hmmm, I smell like nothing." And then I remember...the lavender smelled like nothing too. 

Thank you for these insights, PC. Your story has really...well, it hasn't motivated anyone yet but you still have eight days to go. 
You are most welcome. Just wait until I invent that sanitizing dumb waiter (patent pending).