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Wednesday, November 18, 2015


I painted a wall. That may not be a big deal to some of you but my experience with paint has been limited to watercolors and fingerprints. I realized through this experience, though, that I am not a DIY-er. I am a PIY-er--a Pay it Yourselfer.

I have always known that home improvement projects weren't my strong suit. But they make it sound so easy on House Hunters:

"I really don't like the paint color in this room."

"Nothing a can of paint can't fix!"

I even find myself yelling at the hunters when they say things like that: "Come on, you can easily paint over that! Just grab a bucket of paint, a paint brush and go to town. And while you're at it, you can change the carpet to hardwoods, add a bathroom and knock down that wall that makes the house not open enough for your taste."

So when my neighbor said that she had painted her whole house AND her kitchen cabinets, I thought, "Surely, I could paint one wall. How hard could it be?"

And this wall really begged to be painted. It's in our guest bedroom which was formerly a child's room. It has stripes on the wall so I thought the room must have been a circus theme. But luckily the former owners left all the paint in the basement (it's like a paint store in there; you should come shop!) and I found the paint--or paints I should say--from that wall. Apparently it was a baseball themed room according to the notes on the paint can. (I DO love the notes; they help me figure out what paint goes where!) You be the judge:

Usually I delegate these projects to Popsy. He painted our entire kitchen in Frisco and Leo's room here. (From one painter to another, Popsy, much respect.) But he refused to paint this wall. Why? Because HE LIKES IT! Frank and Leo agree. But I didn't and I'm pretty sure nobody else who toured our house did either. So I tackled the job of painting the entire wall the same color as that middle stripe. I thought it was the color of the rest of the walls. But alas, it was not. They were a lighter tan. Still, I stuck with that darker tan and hoped it would come across as an accent wall. That's a thing, right? 

This next paragraph is a shout out to Ace Hardware (for which I am not being paid): I went to Ace Hardware to get supplies and a kind, older man helped me. He didn't pressure me into a lot of fancy painting tools; I walked out with a roller on an extended pole and a square edger kind of paint thing-a-ma-jiggy. When I left he said, "Let me know how it goes!" I said, "I'm not in here much but I live close so I'll come by!" I mean, can you imagine someone at Lowe's or Home Depot saying that? 

So anyway, I taped (my least favorite part), I rolled (maybe my favorite part) and then there was a lot of moving a tarp around and making sure I didn't drip paint anywhere. That's the main thing I didn't like--all of the potential damage I could do to the rest of the room. Like I dripped a little paint on the comforter, on the other walls, on the baseboards and on the outlet covers. (That might be because I abandoned the taping process midway.) 

I started on Monday and I went in to finish today, thinking I just had some touch ups and I ended up doing more harm than good. Now I'm totally discouraged and ready to just wait until Popsy comes in December to undo the damage I have done. Here are some pics to explain the situation: 

Day one-Hey, this is not so bad. I just roll some paint on there. I'll get to those edges later. I don't need tape there, right? I've got the cool edger thing-a-ma-jiggy. 

Day 2: Ooh, that side dried pretty nicely and thank you, Frank, for getting the edges.

Day 2, afternoon: The other side is coming along but it was a pain to move this ladder and the tarp and all of my supplies without making a mess.

Day 3: I think I'm pretty much done. Just need to do a few touch ups! Surely I don't need to tape for that, right?

Oops, maybe I should have taped.

Missed a spot.

What color was this part of the wall before? No one will ever know!

The pictures don't do it justice. It is pretty awful! And I'm dreading the part where I have to go clean up all those brushes and pans and the tarp. I realize that the reason I don't like to paint is not because I'm lazy. I know I'm not lazy because I love to clean. I clean hard core. 

No, I don't like painting because of two P words that I don't have: 

PATIENCE: I just want it done! I am the type of person who fast forwards through home improvement shows to the big reveal! 

PRECISENESS: I prefer cooking over baking. I don't like to measure or make things exact. That's why I liked the rolling part. It was more of a free for all. 

I don't know how much it would cost to have someone come paint a wall but I would guess that it would be worth every penny. Because this thing took me a lot of time and it was just one wall! And my time is too valuable for that. (Except I don't actually have a job so I guess that argument doesn't work.) 

But hey, if you need some help purging your closet, making a Mexican meal or writing a snarky blog, I'm your girl.  Just don't give me a paint brush or a drill or a hammer or any tool whatsoever. 

I will say, though, that the entire time I was painting I looked EXACTLY like this girl: