My lovely lady lump

I have a lump in the back of my head. Well, it’s really in the back of my hair, to be specific. It causes the back part of my hair to look like I just took it out of a pony tail. A pony tail it appears has been in my hair for 17 years:

But the thing is, it looks like this even when I haven’t worn a pony tail for days. After it’s been washed, conditioned and blow dried.

I know what you’re thinking: you’ve got all sorts of solutions for my lump. Trust me, I’ve tried them.

The Chi works great on the rest of my hair but the lump starts right at the base of the hair line so I can’t quite get the Chi over it.

Hair products have done little to de-lump-ify me. I’m a sucker for anything that says “straightening” on it. Cost is not a factor. I recently shelled out $20 for a small bottle of “hang straight.” No luck.

I’ve tried putting extra conditioner right on that spot and leaving it on there. Still lumpy.

I’ve tried blow drying it all sorts of different ways: clipped up the top layer to reveal the lump and dried just the lumpy part; swooshed all my hair over to one side, turned upside down, split my hair into two parts…it won’t straighten!

I’ve consulted experts. And actually, when I go to a pro, they CAN get the lump out. So I know it’s not impossible. Oh, I love the feeling of running my hand over my lumpless head.

Usually I just let the lump live. But sometimes I get determined to get rid of it and when that happens I say, “I’m performing a lumpectomy.” Frank knows it’ll be awhile before I’m ready. I try all my little tricks—putting on the hair product while my hair is still wet, blow drying very thoroughly, using the cool setting on the blow dryer after everything is dry, putting in more hair product, using my Chi, putting in more hair product, using the Chi again…

After each step I use my hand-mirror to check the lump. Sometimes I’ll get out part of the lump and I’ll have sections of it still remaining. That is so frustrating! I’ll de-lump and de-lump until my arms feel like noodles. Then I usually cover up the last of the lump with the top layer of hair and hope no one will notice. Of course, I still notice because I put my hand back there the rest of the night, cursing my lump.

Thanks for letting me rant about my lump.

Next up in Writinggal’s hair saga: My whispie woahs.