I realize that a lot of them revolve around food. That's kind of all we talk about.
Elsa, I bought you this gallon of skim milk because you said you liked skim milk! Be sure to drink it!
That’s like going around your fist to get to your thumb (commenting on how Frank drove out of a parking lot).
What? You just went to the doctor and found out you weigh 200 pounds? I can’t believe it! That’s terrible!
(2 minutes later)
Here, have a pig sandwich and some brownies and ice cream.
Elsa, you want the skim milk on your cereal too? It’s gross. It’s like blue water. I thought you just liked to drink it plain. You better drink it because I bought a gallon of it!
What are you eating, Elsa? Is it your lunch or your dinner? Well which is it?
Claire broke up with her boyfriend? Well that ruins the poem! And his name was Jay so that rhymed with lots of things!
It doesn’t look like you’re gonna finish that skim milk. I wish I hadn’t bought a whole gallon of it. I think it's gross. (Aside: I drank a lot of it but on the last couple of days I had to pour some in the sink. Did the same thing with the orange juice. Shhh!!)
Well, this breakfast is pitiful. All we’ve got are waffles, sausages, eggs, grits, cereal, toast, jam, biscuits and bacon. But you’ll just have to make do.
Of Leo: I declare he is a perfect specimen!
And here, an example of a trick question from grandma:
Do you like yogurt?
If I answer “yes” then this will happen:
Well, what kind? I’ll go out and get you some. I think I have a coupon. Will you eat this kind or does it have to be a certain kind? What flavor? Oh, you don’t like strawberry? Why don’t you like strawberry? I’ve got to hurry and get to the store because Elsa said she HAS to have yogurt.
If I answer “no” then this will happen:
Oh, you are so picky! You don’t like anything. How do you not like yogurt? You won’t even eat a little bite of yogurt? I can’t get yogurt because you hate it! I don’t know what you’ll eat!
So when I was faced with that question I thought about the two possible outcomes and instead said, “I don’t know how to answer that.”
I called Grandma when I returned home to tell her we made it. She said, “I’m almost done drinking all that skim milk you left!”
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