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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

More Pregnancy Perplexers


I never ask other moms, “So how was your labor? Was it long and painful? Could you pretty please give me a step-by-step account of it?”

I don’t have to. They always offer it up.

The birth stories perplex me because it’s almost as if the moms of the world have this “misery loves company” attitude. “If I suffered, you should also suffer. And you should all know about my suffering.” And if you don’t flinch (or it’s via phone and they can’t tell if you’re flinching), they try to add in more graphic imagery. They want to see you cringe. They want to see you squirm. I think they get extra points if their stories induce vomiting.

Here’s what I like to say after a particularly gruesome account: “Well it couldn’t have been that bad. I mean, you did it again. And again. (And in some cases) and again.”

My doctor asked me if people have been sharing their gross birth stories with me and when I told him yes, he had this funny analogy:

“If you said, ‘I’m having surgery for ovarian cancer’ that same person wouldn’t say, ‘Oh, my mother had ovarian cancer surgery and it was horrible! It was so painful! Here are the gory details.’”

And it is impossible for a mom to tell a birth story without using this one awful word, even if unsaid word didn’t play a part in their labor. They still have to work it into the story. I’ve refrained from using the word on my blog even though someone utters it to me just about every other day. I was going to use it here but you know what? If I subject you to it I’m just as bad as them. So I won’t use it. I’ll just tell you that it rhymes with this fruit and let you figure it out:

10 comments:

Liz said...

AHHHHHHHH. Most terrifying word EVER. I hate it. But at least you're not getting sunshine blown up your you-know-what from people who just say "oh, it's so amazing. like nothing you've ever experienced before" and then you go through it and want to kill yourself... AND frank. :)

Writinggal said...

Good point, She. But I plan on being sui/homicidal anyway.

Kristin W said...

I thought I heard a lot labor stories, but I do not know what the word is.

Writinggal said...

Oh, then you haven't heard enough of them! I just emailed you the word.

Anonymous said...

I have birthed 3 children into this world and I have no clue as to what this word is!!!
- Granny JOe

Writinggal said...

Sending an email to you too!

Vela Family said...

I'm clueless too and I just had a baby. Email me!

Neha P. Photography said...

Hey Elsa,

I'm going to tell you my labor, delivery and post delivery stories AFTER you have your babe!!

Luckily I had a c-section so that word never happend to me.....or was I lucky? hmmmmm.......

Writinggal said...

Don't say I didn't try to shelter you. It's TEAR. The word is TEAR!

Jessi said...

That's it. You changed my mind about kids for sure.