Conversations with Car Salesmen

Last summer, when Frank’s 1994 Honda Accord died we considered replacing it. But then it came back to life. A few days later, when it died again, we were left with no choice.

Our hesitation to buy a car is only partly because we’re cheap. It’s mostly because we hate car shopping. I, personally, don’t like any kind of shopping but car shopping, that’s the worst.

It’s shopping without price tags—a Simcik nightmare. You can’t possibly just look around on your own. You HAVE to talk to someone. And it’s really hard when they speak a different language. We, English. The Car Salesmen, Cheese.

Here are some samples of conversations we had with the Honda salesman, who, even though his name was Frank, was nothing like Husband Frank:

Husband Frank: “So how much is this one?”
Car Salesman Frank: “Let’s not worry about price right now.”
Me: “Sir, ALL we’re worried about is price.”

Husband Frank, after test-driving two cars: “We’d like to see the prices for these two.”
Car Salesman Frank: “Okay, let’s go inside and talk numbers. We want to make your dreams come true!”
Me, to Husband Frank: “Yes, a used Honda Accord is our dream car.”

So we start with the newer of the used cars—the 2007. We don’t even talk about the ’06 yet. We do the whole back-and-forth with the car salesman. He writes down a big number, we write down a smaller number. He goes back to talk to his manager. We wait. So when he came back from supposedly running the numbers by his boss he did this:

Dangling keys in front of our faces he said, “Congratulations!”
We were excited and a little surprised. We thought we had sent him back there with a kinda low number. And just as I was thinking we should have gone lower he added, “The 2006 is yours!”

Huh?

“But we weren’t talking about the ’06. We were talking about the ’07,” Husband Frank said.
“Oh, we can’t give you the ’07 for that price,” Car Salesman Frank said.

We should have walked out. Instead, we found ourselves fighting for the ’07. And when CS Frank went back to fake manager with our latest offer, H Frank said, “I think this was all part of their plan.”

In the end we got the ’07. It’s a dream come true.

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This weekend we went to a Toyota dealership to look at Rav4s. We ended up with a jokester:

Me: “We’d like to test drive this Rav4.”
Jokester: “No…hahahahahahahahaha.”

Me: “Could you tell me where the restroom is?”
Jokester: “Sorry. You can’t use the restroom. Hahahahahahahaha.”

Frank: “So what’s the price difference between the base models and the limited editions?”
Jokester: “18 million, 457 dollars and 58 cents. Hahahahahahahahahaha. That 58 cents always throws everybody off!!”

Frank: “What is this extra charge here for the enviro-guard?”
Jokester: “That’s this protection shield. It’s already on the car so you have to pay for it.”
Me: “Then why isn’t it included in the sticker price?”
Jokester: “Look, that’s how we got you in the door. Am I right?!!”

Again, we probably should have walked out. But the thing is, we hate to go to these places so much that we just end up buying something so that we never have to go again. And really, would it have been different anywhere else?
Luckily, we Simciks typically keep cars for a long time so we shouldn’t have to face CS Frank or the Jokester or any of their pals until at least 2021.