Destructive Criticism

When you watch a movie trailer, do you always whisper your final judgment to the person sitting next to you? Me too. Sometimes I’ll say, “That looks cute” to Frank while at the same time he says, “Rental.” If he says, “That looks good,” then I say, “You only like it because Hilary Duff is in it!” to which we get a big “ssshhh” from the people around us (even though they were playing Ebert & Roper too).

Just like I have no faith in ideas that turned out to work and become the core of our whole infrastructure, I have terrible taste in movies—specifically, what’s gonna work and what’s not. When I suggest a movie Frank says, “That sounds like Sack Lunch.”

For instance, when I saw the trailer for The Matrix I whispered to the person next to me (can’t remember who it was because it was circa 1998), “I bet not ONE person will go see that movie.” I seriously felt bad for Keanu.

And it’s not just movies, it’s TV shows too:

Beverly Hills, 90210: “Why do they even bother adding that zip code? Nobody’s gonna remember that.” Little did I know we would ONLY remember that (except my dad who still refers to it as “that zip code show.”)

Friends: “What a dumb name for a show! Friends. Why don’t they just call it “People?” Couldn’t they think of something better? Nobody’s gonna watch it with such a lame title!”

Lost: “Who wants to watch a bunch of stranded people? Hello? I’ve seen Gilligan’s Island.”

Dancing with the Stars: “Ballroom dancing on television? Boring. Minor celebrities ballroom dancing on television? Boring and pathetic.”

Bottom line, don’t listen to me—especially if you’re in the movie, TV or any sort of entertainment industry. Or you can listen to me and do the opposite. That’s what Ian Ziering and Jennie Garth did (“that zip code show” and DWTS). But I still stand firm behind one thing: Sack Lunch is a good movie.