The Nigerians giveth and Omaha Steaks taketh away

It’s only 9:20 am (barely enough time to digest my Kashi) and I’ve already had two big deals go down. I’m talking big money deals here.

First, I got an email from a guy named Brait Dalgos.

LET ME FIRST INTRODUCE MYSELF TO YOU.I AM MR. BRAIT DALGOS, AN INTERNATIONAL FOREIGN FINANCIAL PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO THE LATE NIGERIAN FIRST LADY. CHIEF MRS STELLA OBASANJO MAY HER SOUL REST IN PEACE.

I KNOW MY INTENTION IN THIS LETTER MIGHT SOUND UNCHRISTIAN BUT I DON’T HAVE OPTION. ON THAT HER LAST TRIP BEFORE HER DEATH IN SPAIN AFTER MEETING WITH ME, I AND SHE IS SUPPOSE TO DEPOSIT SOME MONEY FOR HER WITH OUR SECURITY COMPANY/FINANCE FIRM WHERE I WORK HERE IN MADRID SPAIN, WHERE SHE USED TO KEEP HER VALUABLES BUT BECAUSE OF HER SUDDEN DEATH AT THE MALAGA HOSPITAL I HAVE TO DEPOSIT THE FUND/MONEY SHE CAME WITH INTERIMLY WITH ANOTHER SECURITY COMPANY HERE IN SPAIN AS I KNOW FOR SURE THAT NO BODY IN THIS EARTH KNOWS ABOUT THIS DEPOSIT EXCEPT ME AND HER AS SHE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS SECRETLY WITH OUR FIRM AND THAT IS WHY SHE USE TO COME TO SPAIN ALWAYS.

I ALSO AGREED WITH STANDARD BANK THAT A FRIEND WILL PICK UP THE MONEY FOR ME, MEANWHILE THEY ARE NOT AWARE THAT IT WAS MONEY IN THE BOX BECAUSE I DEPOSITED IT AS VALUABLES, THEY DON’T ALSO KNOW MY STATUE AS A FOREIGN FINANCIAL PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO THE WOMAN.

PLEASE IF YOU ARE WILLING TO ASSIST ME GET THE MONEY INTO YOUR ACCOUNT DO GIVE ME A REPLY BECAUSE THE AMOUNT IS USD$12, 000,000.00 (TWELVE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ONLY) AFTER HELPING ME I WILL BE WILLING TO GIVE YOU 30% OF THE WHOLE SUM. AND 5% WILL BE SET ASIDE FOR ANY EXPENSES THAT MAY OCCOUR IN THE BANKING TRANSFER, AND THE REST WILL BE FOR ME.

THIS TRANSACTION REQUIRES ABSOLUTE HONESTY AND TOP CONFIDENTIALITY.

NOTE THIS: Please acknowledge receipt of this message in acceptance of our mutual business endeavour by furnishing me with the following;

Full name and address
Direct Telephone and fax numbers
Occupation and position
Nationality
Date of birth
marital status
Gender/sex


Obviously this man is a fan of Writinggal’s (although I'm not sure why he didn't know I was a girl). He knows that I am the perfect person to help with this top secret transaction.

Then, wouldn’t you know it? As soon as I hit reply to Brait, giving him all my personal information (including my social security # just in case), Glen from Omaha Steaks calls and tells me about this great deal they’re having. Well, first he told me about the sucky weather in Omaha and then he went on and on about these juicy steaks and how they’re normally $500 but today they’re only $220. I figured I could cover that, what with all the money Brait would be giving me.

So when Glen said, “I’ll just go ahead and send that out to you, K?”

I said, “Go for it, Glen!”

It wasn’t until after I hung up that I did the math on 30% of 12 mil. In Nigerian that’s only about $2.00. So I’m in the hole again. I’ll have to keep writing articles but at least I’ve got some juicy steaks coming my way. And that’s more than old Stella has (may her soul rest in peace).