What the Sprinkler Guy Thinks of Us

I usually keep a clean house. People sometimes comment, “It doesn’t even look like a child lives here” (which I take as a compliment). I mean, I let Leo pull out toys and play but only so many at once and we always put them away before nap time and bed time.

But somehow yesterday, things got out of control. This was the scene at our house when the sprinkler guy showed up:

 

It looks like Cousin Eddie’s house in the “Vacation” movies!

And if you think the sprinkler guy just thought we were messy, you’re wrong. He also thought we were gross because we have a potty in the middle of the floor and my child has NO PANTS ON—not even a diaper!! (Now this is because I was half-heartedly trying this potty-training method where the kid runs around naked. More on that later.)

So to sum it up, here is what the Sprinkler Guy walked into:

• A living room with toys scattered everywhere
• A pile of trains, planes and cars in the foyer
• A plastic potty right in the middle of the floor
• A bottomless kid sitting on a chair, watching TV

It’s unfortunate because normally we are a clean-house, pants-wearing, potties-only-in-bathroom kind of family. But he’ll forever think otherwise.

Oh, and when I took this picture, my half-naked son said, “CHEESE! I’M WATCHING THOMAS!!”

Roller Skating Girl Scouts with Up-Dos

 

I saw this commercial the other day for a local water park. It was shot on video (as opposed to film) so it had, what I call, the “we filmed this commercial in our backyard” look.

The amateur approach to this commercial gave me a flash back to a  commercial that I was almost a cast member of:

Let’s say it was 1986. I’m not exactly sure of the year but I feel like I was about nine. I was in Girl Scout Troop 114 (that I AM sure of) and we went on this excursion one Saturday that involved the most random of events:

First, we went to the local junior college to get our hair and make-up done. The cosmetology students there fixed us up with tons of blue eye shadow, blush and lip stick. Then they topped us off with up-dos. Some of us got French braids. I’m not sure which is funnier.

And we were wearing our Girl Scout uniforms, mind you.

Then we all went to this roller skating rink. Now the roller skating rink was owned by the dad of this girl in our troop named Becky Jo. (That’s not her real name but it was a double name that sounded like she belonged in a double wide.) 

Anyway, Becky Jo’s dad claimed he had bought commercial space on MTV and needed to film a spot about the rink. Of course, we didn’t understand that a commercial on MTV could be local and only run in the middle of the night. We thought we were going to be seen by millions of MTV watching music fans, all over the country, all the time. There would be a Madonna video followed by Girl Scout Troop 114, roller skating around in our make-up and up-dos.

So we roller skated around and around while the cameras (or the dude with the small video camera) rolled. It was a pretty easy gig. I don’t know what models are always complaining about.

Then every day after that we tuned into MTV to see our debut. I never saw it. Nobody ever did. What a waste of an up-do!

But at least if I ever get an IMDB profile it won’t list “Becky Jo’s Dad’s Roller Skating Rink Commercial” as my first acting job.

I really regret that I don’t have a picture of this to show you but it kinda looked like this:

NASCAR Leo

 

I like the name Leo because it’s sort of unusual. Not unusual weird but unusual unique. But then I saw it in the Pottery Barn Kids Catalog and I feared it was becoming trendy.

Now it’s gone from from trendy to trashy. My sister sent me this article about race car driver Jeff Gordon naming his son Leo. Now people will confuse my Leo with little NASCAR Leos.

“Is your Leo the one in the Polo shirt or the one in the wife beater?”

“Is your Leo the one with all his teeth or the one with just some teeth?”

“Does your Leo have a crew cut or a mullet?”

 

But it doesn’t really matter since he asks us to call him “The Goalie” or “The Conductor” most of the time anyway. And if he becomes a NASCAR fan, he’ll probably make us call him Dale.

More Leo Says the Darndest Things

This week Leo has said things that fall into the following categories:

--Silly

--Sweet

--Smart

 

Silly:

Every morning when I come in his room, he’s turned his crib into an imaginary train. Here’s what went on this morning.

I walk in and he announces (as he always does), “I am the conductor, Mommy!”

“Yes, you are the conductor. Who is riding on the train today?”

“Elmo, Ernie, Baby Ellie ride the train.”

He then requested that I sit in his Leo chair to ride the train. I did as I was told, of course.

“I’m going to make mommy dinner,” he said.

“Oh, there’s dinner served on this train? How nice!”

He then went into this whole dinner-making routine, mimicking everything I do while preparing a meal:

“Be patient. Don’t huss (fuss). I’m making Mac N Cheese.”

When the fake Mac N Cheese was ready he told me had to put it in the refrigerator because it was too hot. Now remember, he’s in his crib the whole time, bustling around this pretend train kitchen.

Then he started singing the “Too hot for Leo” song that I always sing but knew enough to change the words to “Too hot for Mommy.” When I tried to sing along, he said, “NO! I WILL SING IT!!”

After I ate my fake Mac N Cheese he said, “Do you want ice cream, mommy?” and then went into this whole routine of “mushing it up” because it was too cold (which is what I do with his ice cream). And all of this pretend exchange was speckled with me accidentally calling him “Leo” and him reminding me that he is “The Conductor.”

When we arrived at the pretend station, he told me he needed to get out because “the conductor needs his diaper changed.”

 

Sweet:

Leo and I were eating lunch at a park and I was explaining to him what a picnic was. I said, “I like having a picnic with you, Leo.” He said, “I love you too, Mommy.” Aw!! And when he saw that I liked that he kept saying it, which I loved, of course.

Also, during our picnic, he took a bite of my sandwich and said, “I put too much in at once” and I said, “No, you can eat it. You’re doing great.” He said, “I’m just learning!”

That’s something I tell him but not that often so I was surprised he repeated it.

 

Smart:

We were at Walgreen’s, standing in line at the pharmacy. I asked Leo, “Do you know where we are?” He said, “Walgreen’s!” and then he looked over at the Take Care Clinic and said, “And there’s the wall…and it’s GREEN! Walgreen’s!” It actually was a green wall and you know what? That totally made sense!

 

And now back to silly for a couple of videos. Just like “Daddy Doh Tow” which he used to say a long time ago, I have no idea what “Acid Plum” means but he does and he has a little dance-like move that goes with it. Enjoy!

 

 

Cousin Conspiracy

Look at this face:

Does it look like the face of a manipulative, aggressive, kleptomaniac? She’s Ellie Simcik, Leo's one and only first cousin. And according to him, she is all of these things.

When we vacationed in Virginia Beach last week with the family, Leo accused 9-month old Ellie of all kinds of crimes. We heard allegations such as:

“Baby Ellie is trying to knock me down!” (When she pulled up on the chair he was sitting on).

“Baby Ellie is pushing me!”

“Stop hitting my daddy!”

“Baby Ellie took my trains!”

“Baby Ellie took my Ernie!”

We also heard the following two sentences several times:  “I don’t like Baby Ellie” and “Go away, Baby Ellie.”

The only thing Ms. Ellie was actually guilty of? Being adorable and forcing Leo to share some of the attention.

 

Luckily, she is forgiving and the two of them had some good cousin bonding time:

 

Leo introduced Ellie to the wonders of trains. (Shhh…don’t tell…she played with them while he was napping.)

 

Helpin’ a cousin out…

Hoarding Ernie and Elmo so Ellie couldn’t get them.

 

Cameras again? Can’t we just play in peace?

 

 

Cousins Cooking!

  

Yes, Elmo is mine!!

The Rise and Fall of the Caboodle

Granny Jo often says the word “Caboodle” when playing with Leo. Of course, that got me thinking about Caboodles, as in the great make-up and accessories organization kits of the 80s.

I wondered, whatever happened to Caboodles? They were cute, clever and effective for both storage and transport. Plus, the word Caboodle is so fun to say! “My mom says I can spend the night. Let me just grab my Caboodle and I’ll come over” or “Where is my blue eyeliner? Oh, it’s in my Caboodle. No doy!”

 

I had one but I’m not sure what I put in it because I probably wasn’t old enough to wear make-up when they were popular. And why did we stop using Caboodles? Was it when people started going grunge in the 90s and therefore wore less make-up and jewelry? I guess a Caboodle wasn’t really great for storing flannel shirts. Plus, with its pastel colors, it didn’t really go with the dreary-Seattle movement.

The way I feel about Caboodles is not unlike how I feel about  Banana Clips. Both were wonderful inventions. Both made everyone who used them happy. Both made our lives easier. And both fell victim to our fickle consumer society. I’m very sorry to have been a part of your demise, Caboodle.

The good news is that Caboodles, the company, is still going strong. They make all kinds of make-up cases, some more sophisticated for those of us in the 30+ crowd. And they still make Caboodles like the ones pictured above. But get this; they’re called “Classic” Caboodles.

I think I’m going to get one. If I had one in 1997, it may have looked like I was just out of style. But if I have one now, I could say, “Oh, that? That’s my Caboodle. It’s vintage 1986. It holds my make-up, jewelry and there’s even a space for my banana clips.”

Hummus Among Us

The word hummus sounds gross. And when I first tried it, back in 2006, I thought it tasted gross too. Seems like it would always show up at book club and I was like, “Hummus? Ewww…”

 

But then a month ago I tried it again. And again and again and again and now I’m like a hummus freak! I’ve had hummus every day since that second taste. Hi, my name is Elsa and I am a hummusaholic! And I didn’t just stop with classic hummus. I had roasted red pepper hummus, garlic hummus and edamame hummus (which basically tastes like guacamole).

 

It’s kinda like a cheese spread but it’s GOOD FOR YOU! It’s made of chickpeas (who knew those were good?) which are high in fiber. Hummus also has olive oil and we all know that olive oil is good whether you eat it or rub it all over your body. (Hmmm, a hummus body wrap, perhaps?)

 

Not only have I been dipping everything from crackers to Cheese-Its to bread in my hummus but put hummus on things like turkey wraps and hamburgers. Yes, a hummus hamburger!

Anyway, I just want to say sorry to hummus for misjudging it. I was wrong. So wrong. And now, all I can say is, "Thank you for taking me back, hummus!”

I may need an intervention…

Bend it Like Leo

I guess all that World Cup hype got to Leo because he is ready to play soccer. I mean, just look at him:

 

He’s got the soccer ball, the water bottle (with soccer and other balls on it), soccer balls on his socks and a sweat band. (Okay, it’s really Granny Jo’s headband which he insists on wearing but we’ll tell Daddy it’s a soccer sweat band).

 

 

 

Action shot! 

 

Playing soccer with Granny Jo:

 

I just hope he doesn’t marry a Spice Girl.

Haircut + Hysterical Laughing

 

These two events having nothing to do with each other. However, I wanted to show you some cute pictures of Leo with his new haircut (his third!) and a video of John and Leo laughing when they were in Columbus at John’s Grandparents’ house last weekend. Oh, and anytime I can use alliteration in the title, I figure it works.

 

 

   

 

Cell phones: convenient or catastrophe?

 

Cell phones are supposed to make our lives easier, even safer. But I believe they are making our lives more complicated. I first thought this on the eve of the 21st century, when I was at a little party called A2K—Austin’s New Year’s Eve block party. We spent the whole evening calling people on cell phones, trying to meet up. Maybe if we had gotten off the phone and looked around, we would have seen that the people we really wanted to see were right there (and that whole Y2K thing turned out to be no biggie).

It’s funny that I noticed this on New Year’s Eve because I think this whole dependence on cell phones really started 1/1/00.Ever since then we’ve been attached at the ear. It’s getting OOC. (And I’m not saying I’m innocent.)

Rather than ramble on about the whole thing, I’ll illustrate my point with a little exchange between two fictional friends named Ann and Fran.

 

Here is how Ann and Fran met up for lunch in 1994:

Fran: Hey, you want to go to lunch?

Ann: Sure. How’s Wednesday?

Fran:“Okay, see you there at 12.

(Wednesday, 12:00)

Fran: Hi, good to see you.

Ann: Thanks for inviting me. Let’s eat.

 

And here is how Ann and Fran meet up for lunch in 2010: 

Ann: “Hey, you want to go to lunch?”

Fran: “Sure. How’s Wednesday?”

Ann: “Okay, see you there at 12.”

(Wednesday, 10:00am, text exchange)

Ann: Are we still on for lunch?

Fran: Yes.

Ann: Okay, see you there. Call me when you’re leaving.

(Wednesday, 11:30, phone exchange)

Fran: Hey, I’m going to leave in, like, five, minutes.

Ann: Okay, call me when you’re in the car.

(Wednesday, 11:45, phone exchange)

Fran: Hi, I’m in the car. I’m on the freeway. I’ll probably be there in 15 minutes.

Ann: Me too. Call me when you’re exiting.

(11:53, phone exchange)

Fran: I took the wrong exit so I’m going to be about three minutes late. Sorry.

Ann: That’s okay. Call me when you’re, like, four minutes away.

Fran: Where are you?

Ann: I just exited.

Fran: Okay, you call me when you’re at the light in front of the restaurant.

Ann: The light on Mills Rd?

Fran: No, the light on Hills Rd.

Ann: Oh, I’m there right now.

Fran: Okay, then call me when you’re at Mills Rd.

(11:55)

Ann: I’m at Mills Rd.

Fran: I’m at Hills Rd.

Ann: I’ll call you when I’m in the parking lot.

(11:59)

Ann: I’m in the parking lot. Where are you?

Fran: I’m in the restaurant.

Ann: How did you beat me?

Fran: I don’t know but I’m at a booth in the back.

Ann: Okay, I’ll call you when I’m walking in.

(12:01)

Ann: I’m walking in. I don’t see you.

Fran: I’m way in the back. I’m wearing a red shirt.

Ann: OMG. I’m wearing a red shirt too!

Fran: I think I see you. I’m waving. Do you see me waving?

Ann: No.

Fran: Oh, I’m waving at the wrong person.

Ann: I see you! You’re on the phone!

Fran: Yes, I see you too! You’re on the phone!

Ann: I guess I’ll hang up.

Fran: Well, wait until you’re sitting down just to be sure.

Ann: Okay, I’m here now. You’re right in front of me. I’m going to hang up.

Fran: Hi, good to see you.

Ann: Thanks for inviting me. Let’s eat.

Leo says the darndest things

 

This morning I was changing Leo’s diaper and he was holding two of his trains—Percy and Christmas Percy. He was just chatting away and he said, “Percy and Christmas Percy get diaper changed. No. They don’t put diapers on the wheels. They get peed on.”

 

Another one from this morning:

Me: Leo, did you watch soccer yesterday?

Leo: YES!

Me: Who won?

Leo: I don’t know. (He says this all the time; it’s sometimes preceded by “I say…”)

Me: Was it the Netherlands?

Leo: Noooo

Me: Was it Spain?

Leo: Yes. Spain won, Mommy. Who won the basketball game? The circus!

Me: The circus? Who did the circus play? The zoo?

Leo: Noooo. The Lakers! 

Me: Oh, you meant the Celtics!

Leo: The Celtics.

Me: Who won that basketball game?

Leo: I don’t know.

Me: Yes, you do. Who won? The Celtics or the Lakers?

Leo: The Lakers!!

 

From a few weeks ago:

Me: “Where is Christmas Percy?”

Leo: “Maybe ask Percy!”

(I love how that not only makes sense but that he uses the word ‘maybe.’)

 

If we’re at a store and he wants to leave, he says, “I don’t like this store!” We were at HomeGoods and he said that. I said, “Really? Because I was just thinking that I like this store a lot!” When we got up to checkout, he stood on his tippy toes and got his chin right up to the counter so he could tell the lady, “I don’t like this store!”

In fact, he says he doesn’t like a lot of things:

“I don’t like the sun.”

“I don’t like Rah Rah’s show.” (The news)

“I don’t like Mac N Cheese.” (A lie.)

“It’s no big deal” is what he says when things go wrong: trains fall off tracks, he misses a basketball shot, etc. But he says it as he’s screaming or crying, “IT’S NO BIG DEAL!” (hence making it a really big deal).

 

Last night I said, “How is your ice cream?” He said, “It’s good. It’s cold.”

 

 

He likes to tell  us what to say:

Leo: Mommy say who says choo choo

Me: Who says choo choo?

Leo: Thomas!

 

He’s also into that stage where he wants us to “watch” everything he does.

“Watch this!” he says. And when we say, “Okay, we’re watching,” he does some crazy little dance. This weekend in the pool he said, “Watch this” and he would jump off a step. I guess after the 100th time I forgot to praise him so he said, “Mommy say ‘Good job doing that!’”

 

I should point out that he doesn’t say all these things totally clearly but we can understand 95% of what he says. But   here’s something I don’t understand at all: “Tee tee tot. Alsa Fwank.” And then he laughs hysterically. We now get that “Alsa Fwank” is “Elsa Frank” but we don’t know why he says “Tee tee tot” before it.

 

He LOVES to pretend, especially with his Little People. He puts them on the school bus and says they’re going to various places like Babies R Us (which is a rug in our kitchen). They’re always buying a football there. This morning he was pretending that he was giving Ernie (from Sesame Street) a ticket to get on a train. He makes up this whole story and dances around, saying, “Here is your ticket, Ernie!” Oh, and Ernie is his own shadow. He also loves his shadow and yesterday, tried to hug it. Right now he’s skipping around singing, “Go see my shadow!” And now, “Look at my shadow! Look, the shadow’s clapping.”

 

Here are a couple of videos of him playing with his shadow:

The Couple That Runs Together…

Frank and I ran our first race together back in 2001. It was called “Cupid’s Chase” and it was Valentine’s Weekend in Dallas. At the end of the 5K, they combine your totals. I think we placed like third in our age group. I also think there were only four couples in our age group.

But look, we won medals and everything!

After the above picture was taken we took another one where we posed like runners, ready to start a race.

 

 

 

We waited nine years to do our second run together (this time a 10K) and thought it would be cute if we did that same pose again:

 

This blog would be so much cuter if I could actually find that original picture where we are posed like runners. But alas, I put it in my picture shower curtain and when I threw that out, I think the picture (which was probably mildewed) went out too. (I miss that picture shower curtain.)

So anyway, we may only run together every nine years (and actually, neither time did we actually run together) but we have fun when we do it.

We better start training for our race in 2019!

Heat Wave

This hot weather can’t slow Leo down. This past week he played all kinds of sports with Grandpa Ron, got patriotic, chased his friends, hugged John some more, splashed around in the sprayground, enjoyed lollipops with Aiden and finally--when it got really hot--took off al his clothes and lounged around on the couch in front of the TV.  

 

Aggressively Affectionate

Leo likes to hug. A lot. And sometimes he hugs his friends so hard that they both fall over, bump their heads and scream. The other day he was hugging John so roughly that I had to put him in a time-out. “A time-out for hugging?” Frank asked. Hey, it’s better than a law suit!

I’ve labeled this behavior “aggressively affectionate.” Now we are working on learning the difference between “hugging rough” and “hugging gently.”

Before this video was taken, Leo had hugged John to the floor. Then, after I pulled him off of John, he came running at him for more:

 

 

This video below doesn’t show any aggressive affection, just a couple of CRAZY two-year-olds!

Drawerganization!

 

If it’s weird for me to feel totally giddy every time I open my kitchen drawers…

 

…and see my new, awesome drawer organizers from The Container Store,

then I don’t want to be normal!