A Facebook Kind of Birthday

I think I just need to admit that I'm obsessed with Facebook. The signs are all there: ever since I got my iPhone5, I'm on it more than I used to be; I talk about people's status updates more than I talk about people's 3-dimensional lives; I write it about it on my blog way too often! I confirmed this last one because I just now did a search on my blog posts for "Facebook" to see if I've ever written about the above topic. I haven't. But I've mentioned Facebook in TEN posts.

So here's my eleventh:

I think it's silly when people wish their Facebook friends "Happy Birthday."

I don't post birthday wishes on people's wall. Why? Because either I am so close to them that I already sent them a card or called them or personally texted them or I am so not close to them that I didn't know it was their birthday anyway. And even though Facebook told me it was their birthday, what do they care if I write "Happy Birthday" on their wall?

Oh, but they DO seem to care. Every time it's one of your FB friends' birthdays you can expect the following:

Your newsfeed is filled with exciting, personal messages for the birthday boy/girl:

"Happy Birthday!"
"Hope you have a great day!"
"Have a great birthday!"
"Happy Birthday!"
"Hope your birthday is wonderful!"
"Happy Birthday"
"Happy B-day!"

Then towards the end of the day the birthday person will post: "Thank you for all the birthday wishes! I feel so loved!"

Really? That's love? Facebook telling hundreds of people you never talk to in real life that it's your birthday and they each spend half of a second to write a lame, cliche message on your wall?

Another reason I don't like to post birthday greetings on people's walls is that, I am really good at remembering birthdays. So let's say it's a friend from college's birthday and I knew that before I even logged onto Facebook. Then I get there and everybody's all, "Have a good day!" and "Happy Birthday" and blah blah blah...then if I write something, it looks like I only remember because FB told me. For awhile I used to say, "I already knew it was your birthday. Facebook didn't have to tell me..." but that sounded kind of obnoxious, don't ya think?

Here's a for instance about how much people don't know when your birthday actually is: I saw this girl post the other day "Thanks for all the birthday wishes but it's not actually my birthday. Not sure why Facebook got it wrong. I woke up and thought it was April."

So it's not like FB was just a day off and people went along with it. It was SIX MONTHS off and most of her FB friends did not even realize it. Turns out her husband did it as a joke. But still, it proves my point about my impersonal it is.

Also, you know how I don't like unoriginality? Well, it's actually kind of hard to write anything other than "Happy Birthday." I mean, what else can you say? So when I used to post on people's walls for their birthdays, I felt this pressure (self-inflicted) to write something original. And since I couldn't really come up with anything (and I'm anti the whole scene), I now boycott Facebook birthdays.

So now you're wondering if you should wish me well on January 24th. You did know that was my birthday, right? If you do post, I won't hate you. You are more than welcome to. But if you don't, that's okay too. In fact, I removed my birthday from Facebook so I can see who REALLY knows it's my birthday.

But that trick didn't really work last year because when the people that did know it was my birthday posted, the people that didn't know saw that and just joined in. And since it was also Thea's birthday I noticed that friends we had in common posted on her wall for her birthday and not mine! Made me feel jilted.  So I decided to write this post:

"Getting a massage on my birthday!"

Then I got all the FB birthday wishes like everyone else does and eventually had to end the night with:

"Thanks for all the birthday wishes! I feel so loved!!"