Big Booty B-Roll

Oh my gosh, I'm the biggest blog slacker. I can't believe I used to write this every weekday (15 blogs a month) and now I'm barely getting out of November with three blogs.

And speaking of big and slacking, that's my topic for today: Big Booty B-Roll.

First, I'll explain what B-Roll is for those of you who have never worked in advertising, journalism, broadcast production or the adult film industry. (Not actually sure if they use B- Roll in the last one but needed a funny one to add onto the end there).

B-Roll is basically random footage. Like when you're watching House Hunters and they show scenes from the city they're searching but not with the hunters in it. A common B-Roll scene involves lots of people walking down a crowded street.

Pretty much every night on the news there's a story about "Obesity in America." During these stories they inevitably flash to a street scene featuring several large butts waddling. These butts are enormous, jiggling and are almost always sporting sweat pants.

When they're putting together that story I imagine that the journalists say, "And then just throw in some of that Big Booty B-Roll and we'll be all set." I have several questions about the Big Booty B-Roll:

1. How do they capture it? Is someone lurking on the street with their camera at their waist so they can get just the right angle?

2. Has a big-bootied-person ever attacked a camera man, saying, "Hey! Don't you feature my ass on the news!!"

3. How much would you just DIE if you saw your own ass waddling by on the TV screen during the evening news?

4. If you did recognize your own ass, would you pause it and ask your spouse, "Hey, do you think that's me? Is my butt actually so big that they're using it as an example for this report on how soda is expanding our rears?" And would he/she say, "Well, that does look like your magenta sweat pants. And your ass is a lot bigger than average. And you DO drink a lot of soda. Look, there's a soda stain on your pants there." Or would he/she just say, "No way. Lots of people with big butts wear magenta sweat pants."

Next time you see the Big Booty B-Roll, pay attention. It could be you or someone you love. And if it is, you better run to wherever that tape/DVD is being held and destroy it. And you know how that will help? Well, it will at least get you to run.