The House Diet

As most of you know, I am anti-clutter. If you, too, want to live with minimal possessions, I can help. It means you’ll have to put your house on a diet. Like any diet, it will be tough. It will be a test of your willpower. But when you’re done you’ll never say things like, “Where did I put that George Foreman grill?” or “Hey, I didn’t know I owned a unicycle! All these years it’s been buried under my pile of clothes from 1993.”

First, cleanse: Celebs do it for their bods. You’ve got to do it for your house. Start with the smallest room in the house and work your way up. For instance, say you begin in the guest bathroom. You’ll go through the cabinets, hold up each item and ask yourself if you really need it. If the answer is, “I might need it for Halloween,” get rid of it. You’ll continue through the rest of the house until you’ve filled several trash bags for garbage and several more for charity.

Second, refuse: When you’re on a diet, people will try to tempt you with fattening food. You have to have the willpower to refuse them. Same goes with your house diet. People will try to bring things into your house—either in the form of presents, paper goods or just random crap. In a body diet situation, you would say, “No, thanks, I’m on a diet.” And if that didn’t work, you’d politely accept the food and then throw it out when they’re not looking. While it’s hard to refuse presents, you can put it out there that you’d prefer consumable goods and/or gift cards.

Third, don’t buy more stuff: Once when I was shopping at an antique-y/gift shop (which is basically a store full of clutter), I said to my friend Chantal, “Ooh, that sign that says “Peaches sold here” would look so cute in my kitchen. Do you think I should get it?” She said, “Here’s what I do. I ask myself, ‘when I woke up this morning did I think I needed a sign that says, ‘peaches sold here’ for my kitchen?'” Well put. Stick to the list. And if you want to buy something off the list, at, let’s say, Target, make yourself do one more loop around the store and see if you really want it when you complete the loop. If you still don’t buy it then you’ve got less clutter and you’ve burned a few calories. This diet is awesome, huh?

Finally, maintenance: You’ve got to do mini-cleanses pretty often. Don’t worry; it won’t be as hard as the initial cleanse. If I want to buy two new shirts, I make myself get rid of two. Or even better--three. And remember, aside from people or pets, anything can be thrown away.

One more comparison to body diets: The house diet is a lifestyle. You can’t cleanse, refuse, stop shopping and then go raid the antique-y/gift shop. Unless, of course, you woke up and said, “I really need a sign that says ‘peaches sold here’ for my kitchen.”