Tough Guy

We already know Leo is not going to be tall. We're trying to toughen him up so he won't get picked on in school:


"Don't even THINK about shoving me into a locker!"

"That's right. I'm flexing my biceps. My friend John's got some too! You don't wanna mess with us."

Trend Alert: SOGs

This may not be the first place you go to get the latest news on fashion trends but remember, I’m the one who launched the shkirt revolution.

So you can definitely trust me when it comes to hot, little-known-but-soon-to-be-huge fad tips.

My current fave? SOGs. SOG stands for “Sunglasses Over Glasses.” I’ve started sporting them and from the curious looks people give me, I can tell you that they’re about to catch on.


First, let’s review the history of sunglasses/glasses accessories:

1987—Dwayne Wayne Glasses: Made popular by the character of the same name on TV’s A Different World, these glasses had shades directly over them which the wearer flipped up when indoors.

1994—Clip-Ons: Similar to the Dwayne Wayne glasses, these go right over your lenses but they don’t flip up. Instead, you remove them when you are indoors (or just afraid you’ll see someone you know).

1998—Prescription Sunglasses: A miserable failure. Too expensive. Too hard to keep up with. If you sit on these, it’s a disaster rather than just an inconvenience that can be remedied by a quick trip to Walgreens.

2002—Fit Over Sunglasses: Some claim that they wear these on motorcycles or for skiing but these giant specs are actually popular among Florida retirees.

2008—SOGs: Sure, they seem like Fit Over Sunglasses but the difference is, you don’t have to buy special glasses. You simply where whatever sunglasses you already have over your prescription glasses. Since they’re not large like the Fit Overs, you almost can’t tell the person is wearing two pairs of glasses.


And unlike the Fit-Overs, they fit great on your head. I personally love to double up with a pair over the head and a pair over the eyes: Sometimes I even triple up with a pair on the head and two on the eyes.

I never do two on the head. That would be silly.

Now don’t worry if you don’t wear prescription glasses. You can still be cool and wear SOGs. Just get some of those cheap glasses from Walgreens (Wow. Second mention. I swear I don’t get kick-backs from them) and put those under your regular sunglasses.

This solution is so much more flexible than the old ways: you can wear your aviators, your Hollywood styles, your cat-shaped glasses, whatever. You don’t want to be the last person with SOGs; get some for Christmas. Get them for the whole family! And the best part is, you may not have to get anything. You may have SOGs in your own home and you’re just not wearing them.

Please wear them.

Please wear them soon.

Oh, wait. Did that sound too desperate? Are you getting suspicious that I’m only pushing the SOG trend because I’ve been sentenced by my eye doctor to stay out of my contacts for another month (after two weeks already) and that I don’t know what else to do when I drive or go outside?

Because that is NOT the case! I’m going to keep wearing SOGs even after I can wear contacts again.

Trust me. They go great with a cute shkirt.

More Mommy Show

Leo still likes to watch me exercise. And yes, we are listening to the "Salsa Y Merengue" music station on digital cable.

He won't take this lying down

Leo can totally sit up on his own now. He doesn't have to hold his feet. He doesn't fall over. He holds his back nice and straight. He's very confident in his sitting up ability.

Mommy and Daddy, however, aren't there yet:

My Brain Runs on Electricity

Yesterday morning our electricity went out. It was around 6:15am and I was writing (natch). Suddenly the lights went out in my office but my computer stayed on. I thought, “The electricity must have gone out…but why is my computer still on?”

Thus started a stream of dumb thoughts (some of which I uttered out loud) that were caused by this power outage.

“Frank, why can’t I see the baby on the monitor anymore?”

“Because the electricity is out.”

“But the monitor has battery back-up! I unplugged it.” (Point Writinggal.)

“But his camera doesn't work without electricity.”

Oh.

“Why don’t you call the electric company to report the power outage?” suggested Frank.

That I could do. I just needed their number. It was in the files in the closet in my office. On the way there I must have tried to turn on three lights.

Then when I went to call them I noticed my cell phone battery was dying. Better plug it into the charger.

Oh, wait.

I used Frank’s cell phone.

After learning the whole area was out, I decided I was thirsty. I went to get a drink of water from the dispenser on the freezer door. It didn’t work.

That thing needs electricity too? Who knew? Not me.

Well that doesn’t mean I can’t eat breakfast. Cereal doesn't need electricity.

I opened the fridge to get the milk. It was dark. Ah! Everything’s going to go bad. I didn’t even think of that!

Frank said, “I hope Leo doesn’t get cold.”

“Why would Leo get cold?” I asked.

“Because the heater isn’t working.”
Great! Apparently the heater runs on electricity too!

At least I could still get some work done. My computer was still working (which I figured out was because it had battery power).

When I got back up to my office (with the help of a flash light), I decided to email my mom and tell her about this terrible power outage.

But get this: the internet requires electricity!

As Frank left for work he went to manually open the garage door. See, I wouldn’t think of that. I would just have hit the button and then been surprised when it didn’t open. It’s like I’m auto pilot. Or auto idiot.

I said, “I don’t want to have to lift the garage door again so I’m just going to put my car out in the driveway,” I said.

“That’s a really smart idea!” Frank said.

That’s right. Sometimes I’m smart despite the loss of electrical power. But luckily it came back on in an hour (because while you CAN take a shower without electricity, you cannot, as I discovered, blow dry your hair).

Leo, the vegetarian

Leo has quite a palette. In addition to breast milk, he also eats sweet potatoes, squash, carrots and peas. He likes all of them equally. Here are a few pics from this weekend when we introduced the green stuff:


"Peas rock!"

"Hey, why am I the only one eating this mush?"

"What? Haven't you seen a bald dude eat smashed peas before?"

Talkin' Back

This is Leo's favorite game:

Medieval and other time periods that make me queasy

Tips from Thea mentioned that she was going to Medieval Times. I told her that I went a long time ago and didn’t like it. I added that this shouldn’t change her expectations, though, because I don’t like to eat and what people dressed from that time period.

“So Jerry Springer and Medieval Times?” she asked, referring to my other nausea-inducing program.

“Actually, there are a lot of time periods that I can’t eat and look at,” I told her and together we made a list:

Baroque. I appreciate that the paintings are pretty but I don’t want to have a meal and face one of them.

Victorian: There was an incident at the Moody Mansion in Galveston…

The dark ages: Who likes that one anyway?

And ooh, the Renaissance. That might be the worst! I never had any desire to go the Reinnasance festival in Houston. Eat a turkey leg while watching people in Shakespearian garb? No thanks.

Then Thea asked, “What about Little House on the Prairie?”

“Actually, I’m okay with Laura Ingalls Wilder,” I told her. We then figured out that my issues are really more with anything prior to 1900. After that I’m cool.

I mean, I CAN eat and look at historical art and costumes but for some reason the food just doesn’t taste as good. That must be why I didn’t gain weight in Europe.

But it looks like Thea and co. enjoyed themselves at Medieval Times:


What a brave girls! I admire them.


Although I’d rather eat at Medieval Times than during an episode of Jerry Springer any day.

Cold Theory

I sniff a lot. And when I do people ask, “Oh, do you have a cold?”

I always say “No, I just sniff a lot.” But here’s what I’ve decided: I don’t really believe in colds. I never diagnose myself with one.

Leo’s doctor asked the other day if Leo had ever had a cold.

“No,” I said.

But there was that time he had a runny nose. And there have been days where I’ve had to extract lots of boogers. But does that mean he has a cold? Not to me. I mean, does having a runny nose and feeling tired really need a name? Can’t you just feel that way?

And that’s when I came up with my big cold theory. Here is a replay of what went on in my brain:

Maybe there’s no such thing as a cold!
Yes, of course! That’s why they can never find a cure.
And they’re always calling it “the common cold.” Well if it’s so common then maybe it’s not something that needs a name. Like if you feel sad because you saw a homeless person, does that need a name? Or if your hair just happens to look bad one day, is there a name for that? Well, I guess that’s a bad hair day. But still, you don’t try to look for drugs to cure it.
But then again, people seem to pass colds from one person to another. They say you “catch cold.” So that makes it seem like a real disease.
But maybe we just think we catch colds. Maybe it’s such a common state of being that lots of people seem to have colds at once, but really they just have some symptoms.
I bet it's a conspiracy by the cold medicine companies. And the doctors. And kids who want to stay home from school. And probably terrorists.

Okay, so my theory isn’t completely solid but I know this: I don’t get colds. And maybe you don’t either.

I think I'm onto something here; I’ve just gotta get more information. No matter what it takes, I’m gonna sniff it out!

Best Week Ever

Leo is growing and changing so quickly, I had to tell him, "Slow down! That's too many blogs!"

So I decided to combine a few events and tid bits into one blog. Here are a few things that have happened to Leo in the last seven days:

He experienced his first Halloween as a lion. I tried to explain to him about trick or treating: "See, you go to the door and you say 'trick or treat' but don't worry about the trick because they always choose treat..." and then I realized it doesn't make a lot of sense.

He tried "real" food. That is, if you consider smashed up sweet potatoes real food:

He made faces like he didn't like it but kept opening his mouth for more.

A neighbor gave us this jumpy swing which is his new favorite apparatus.

He continued to practice sitting up. He can do it for a couple of minutes and then he "falls down and goes, 'boom!'" (which is a cute thing mommy says to him).



And he got his first pair of jeans (thanks, Tia Kristin!)

Patriotic Baby

At the polls this morning I told Leo that we were doing our civic duty. When we got home I realized he must have thought I meant "doodie."