The Prodigal Peanut Butter

I don’t mean to bash the Bible but there is one story that I just don’t get: the freakin’ prodigal son. Here's the CliffsNotes version (by the way, it really is “Cliffs” with an “s” even though everybody says “Cliff Notes.” Thanks, Mrs. Jones, 11th grade English teacher).

Back to the CliffsNotes version of that bad Bible story:

There were two sons, a dad and probably a mom.
They lived on a farm.
One son sucked. He was lazy, never did any work on the farm and mouthed off to his parents. Then, to top it all off, one day he just up and left, taking a bunch of money that I’m pretty sure belonged to his dad.

The other son was good. He had a strong work ethic, helped out a lot on the farm and was basically an all-around good guy.

One day the bad son came home. He had squandered all his dad’s money and needed a place to crash.

The dad was all, “We’re so glad you’re home, son! I totally don’t care that you never helped out, that you took our money and that you’re only back because you spent it all. In fact, we’ve been saving this fatted calf for a special occasion and I think this is it!”

The other son, as you can imagine, was pissed. He was like, “Dad, um, hello? I work hard all the time. I never get no stinkin’ steak dinner!”

That’s where the lesson comes in (which I still don’t get or agree with. Sorry, Bible.) “My son was lost but now he’s found,” the dad says. “Now go slaughter that sucker so we can eat!”

Even though I don’t like the story, it sort of happened to me. With peanut butter. I’ve always loved Peter Pan Whipped Peanut Butter. Sure, you can buy those low fat/low cal peanut butters but they actually have more of all that stuff than the whipped. And the whipped is whipped which means it’s good.

The PPWPB has always been good to me. I love it for a good PB&J, on bananas, and last summer it served me well when I had to drink shakes on my soft diet.

But the other day I found something better. In fact, it’s name even implies it: “Better N Peanut Butter.” It’s got fewer calories and fat than my PPWPB and I actually think the taste is superior. I’m totally addicted. I always get something else out like bread or crackers to spread it on but I end up just eating the BNPB right off the knife. Proof that it’s awesome: I bought it a week ago and it’s almost gone.

I guess the fact that it's called "Better N Peanut Butter" means it's not actual peanut butter. And maybe that should scare me. But this stuff tastes so good I'm not afraid.

Yesterday, when I was scraping the sides of my new BNPB I started thinking that it was really uncool of me to just dis my whipped PB like that. It never did anything wrong. It was actually more affordable.

But it’s been replaced. My Better N Peanut Butter was lost and now it’s found! I would slaughter a fatted calf to celebrate but PB&C sounds gross.