I wanna hold your hand...or maybe I don't

I've been Catholic for almost eleven years. They call people like me "converts." It kinda sounds like "convicts" (which I guess is what they think you could end up as if you don't convert). I didn't make that drastic of a change, really. I was Episcopalian and because of that, I still maintain I should have been fast-tracked through the nine-month course.

That's because in lots of ways the two religions are the same--we say basically the same things at mass; we do the sign of the cross (except Episcopalians go back to the middle at the end of it) and we're all cool with drinking wine. I really appreciate that in a religion.

But here's something the Catholics do that I've never seen at an Episcopal church: they hold hands during The Lord's Prayer.

I have never liked this. And it's not because I loathe holding a stranger's hand (although it's not my favorite). It's because I'm never sure if the person next to me is going to do it or not. See, most people hold hands but some people don't. You never know who you've got next to you!

If that didn't sound awkward enough, it gets worse. When it comes time to say "Our Father..." everyone lifts their hands up like this:

Okay, not as high as the lady in the third row but you get the point. This makes it even more confusing! Is the person next to you lifting up their hands in praise or are they hand-holders? You don't know. You have to decide if you're going to make a move or just have your raised hands hover there next to each other. I just wish the church would tell us one way or the other and make it mandatory. They seem to do that with everything else.

Last Sunday Frank and I sat in the sanctuary while the kids went to the nursery. We are usually out in the narthex with them so I wasn't privy to what goes on at "big church." During the Our Father the dude next to me raised his hands and we were sitting so close that I thought I HAD to hold his hand. So I put my hand on his and he barely clasped it. Then I look around and notice that most people ARE NOT holding hands. Yikes! It's not a hand-holding church! How was I to know? I don't even think this guy was holding hands with his family member sitting next to him.

Oh, and another thing different in the Catholic church: when you get to the part about "deliver us from evil" you pause. The priest then says this whole thing about "deliver us from every evil and grant us peace in our day..." and it feels like it goes on for seven minutes. There I am, holding hands with some stranger who may or may not want to hold my hand and I just cannot wait until we get to "the kingdom and the power and the glory are yours." What a relief when that is over! Then you get to "The Peace" which has its own set of sociological flaws. (Do I peace the people behind me first? In front? Next to me? What if I put my hand out but they're shaking someone else's hand? Do I move on? Wait? Ahhh!)

When we were leaving mass on Sunday I said to Frank, "I don't think this is a hand-holding church. I kind of had to force the guy next to me to hold my hand." Frank said, "I know what you mean. I had to force the lady next to me. I saw that you were doing it so I thought I should too."

Great. Now Frank and I have some sort of reputation. We need to go back to the narthex with the kids. Or better yet, to confession.