Blog Blurbs

When I used to write a blog every weekday, I'd always ask Frank the night before, "What should I write about on my blog tomorrow?" and he'd say, "You could write about the pressures of writing a blog." And I'd say, "Nobody wants to read about that!" But now, every time I start to write a blog I feel like I should apologize for not writing more often. Kinda like in the Catholic church, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been two years since my last confession." (What about the people who go every week? Do they have to apologize too?)

Forgive me, blog readers for I have failed you. It has been over a week since my last post. And forgive me again because I do need to say that I'm currently too busy getting ready for Christmas and all its' shenanigans (no offense, Baby Jesus) to write an actual blog. Instead, I'll give you smatterings for all the blogs that are floating in my head.

Old Mom's Tales: It's cold and flu season. We're right in the thick of it. And I know, I just know, that people are going to say things like, "I let my kid go outside without a hat so she caught a cold" or "I went to get the mail and my hair was wet so look at me now--sick as a dog!" Do these people never watch John Stossel and his helpful myth versus fact reports? Since I'm the only one, I'll pass on the good news: You DO NOT get colds from being cold! They really need to change the name of that cureless disease.

A fellow ranter: Okay, her blog is WAY bigger than mine so it's silly of me to even compare but I recently started following www.peopleIwanttopunchinthethroat.com She writes about well, people she'd like to punch in the throat. Like if I were writing that blog, I would write about the people who think they get colds from being cold. Or the lady at Walmart who I had this interaction with:

Me: I'm going to need gift receipts for all of these items. They're all going to the same place so can I just get one gift receipt or do I need separate gift receipts for each?

Walmart lady: You can do either.

Me: Then I'd like to just do one. So it's okay if I have some other items that aren't gifts too?

Walmart lady: Yes.

Me: So these bananas, for instance, (setting bananas on conveyor belt), can they be on the same receipt as the gift receipt even though they're not a gift?

Walmart lady: Yes.

At the end of the transaction I said again, "And just wanted to remind you that I'm going to need a gift receipt."

She then hands me a receipt. I said, "Thanks. And where is my gift receipt?" She said, "This is your gift receipt." There was then a lot of back and forth about how this is a "receipt" but not a "GIFT receipt." It had prices on it therefore, how is that a gift receipt? She then told me I would need to get gift receipts for each item and I would have to go to customer service to do that. O.M.G. I mean, could I have been more clear? She should be grateful that she was sort of hideous looking and that's why I didn't go off on her.

So anyway, this other blog about punching people in the throat would have something like that. And on Facebook she'll mention some people she wants to punch in the throat and inevitably people comment and say how mean she is and how "if she doesn't have something nice to say..." Seriously? These are people FOLLOWING her on Facebook! What did they expect? As one person commented, "You're following a blog called "people I want to punch in the throat," not 'butterflies and rainbows.'"

Facebook funnies: recently there was a list somewhere about stuff white girls love to post on Facebook. Some of my faves were posting about having the best husband in the world while said husband is sitting right next to them, making their post the lyrics to any Kings of Leon song and this one which I'll paste:

Write angry letters to companies (Dear EZ PARK, I hate you!), unorganized groups of people (Dear slutty freshmen who think that leggings can be worn as pants…), and non-entities (Dear unseasonably cold weather, WTF?!)

I have a few of my own to add to the list:

--Add "sigh" to the end of a post (Folding the laundry again. Feel like that's all I ever do. Sigh.)

--Say they're "Lovin' Life!" or "I love my life!" or "Life is good!"

--Use their children as their profile pictures. Now, with this one I could potentially offend LOTS of people but let me explain:

--I'm not saying it's BAD, I'm just saying I've noticed that this is something white girls like to do. Now, for me, I have a policy. I do not have a profile picture that I'm not in. Well, once I had the 3Day logo and another time I had Angela from the Office during Doppleganger's week. But other than that, I am in the photo. I mean, it's MY Facebook account, not my kids'. My kids may be in the picture (and they usually are because I rarely have a photo taken alone anymore) but I am always there too.

Wooh, these mini blogs have turned into one long blog. I will try to post again before the end of 2011. And if I have nothing to say I can always go back to "The Pressures of Writing a Blog."

Merry Christmas, Y'all!

--