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Sunday, October 30, 2011

Dollar Store Delusions


Add this to the list of “things I can’t believe actually work” (along with freeways and toilets): Dollar Stores. I was at one the other day and I heard someone say, “I just can’t believe this place. Everything is a dollar!” His shopping partner said, “Yeah, it’s the dollar store” and he said again, “But everything, EVERYTHING is a dollar!”

I feel the same way. And not because I love to buy a bunch of crap I don’t need at a really low price but rather because I can’t believe this business model works. I can just imagine the conversation that lead to the invention of dollar stores:

“Hey, you know how everybody likes to pay as little as possible for everything? Well, what if we made a store where everything was a really low price?”

“You mean like $10? Everything is $10?”

“No, I mean like a REALLY low price.”

“Like $5?”

“No, a dollar. What if we had a store and everything in it was a dollar?”

“That sounds like a store full of crap to me.”

“No, we’d have pretty decent stuff like greeting cards, party favors, dish towels, wrapping paper and those scented bags for poopy diapers.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. We wouldn’t make any money. Our profit margin would be like, a penny, on each of those items. And those scented poopy diaper bags? Those things are awesome. We could probably only sell two of them for a dollar and still make money.”

“No, we need to sell them in packs of 50!”

“You’re crazy, Dollar Dude. I’m gonna go work for someone who has a GOOD idea like the person who invented mylar balloons.”

“We’re gonna have those too!”

And they do. They freakin’ have mylar balloons for a dollar! How do they do it? I mean, I could believe that you could have a store full of dollar products that were yucky. But they have decent stuff. You can get packs of party paper plates, those foil baking dishes, shampoo and food.*

Our dollar store isn’t even gross. It’s very clean and the clientele is quite respectable. I’m not saying these are the same people who shop at Saks but it’s not like they have B.O. (Aside: I walked past a guy at Kroger the other day who had B.O. and I thought, “He gives new meaning to the term ‘dirty old man.’” I forgot to post that on Facebook so I’m using it here.)

Anyway, the people are alright, the products are fine and the price is unbelievable.

I don’t know how you are so successful, Dollar Stores but you have certainly succeeded in perplexing me. I bet you live in a mansion with a pool that’s in the shape of a dollar sign.

*I refuse to buy food from a dollar store.

5 comments:

GR said...

I love our Dollar Tree. The best buys are batteries, picture frames and greeting cards.

Writinggal said...

Ours is a tree too. It's been here over a year and is still clean. How do they do it??

Liz said...

Oh my gosh!! I just got 13 balloons there for Charlie's bday for $13! I always saw them and it never registered until my cousin and I were at a Party City and she said "is there a Dollar store nearby because they have balloons"... I swear it saved me $30 at least!

Also, I didn't know they had the poopy diaper bags! I'm going to look soon.

I don't solely buy these items at a Dollar store, but I do often get: tissue paper (for gift wrapping), laundry detergent, gift bags, toothpaste, coloring books, picture frames, drinking glasses, tupperware things, random bins for bathrooms/pantry, two for one candy, etc.

Writinggal said...

Wow, Liz, those are some great ideas for products to purchase at the dollar store! Although I do question toothpaste because it goes in your mouth and that's kinda like food.

Writinggal said...

And is Charlie coloring already? So advanced!