Frank’s Rules for the Weekend

Frank works hard all week so he really relishes his weekend time. Sure, he “fires up the computer” (as he puts it) a few times but he rarely goes into the office or does a lot of work on the weekends.

Over the years he’s developed some weekend rituals and traditions:

1. Never wear a watch. In fact, if someone asks him what time it is,  he’ll say, “I don’t wear a watch. It’s the weekend!” Or if I try to coordinate plans he’ll borrow a line from Jordan Catalano in “My So Called Life” and say, “I don’t make plans. Whatever happens happens.”

2. Don’t shave. If we have something to go to on a weekend, like a wedding, he’ll ask me, “Do you think I need to shave for this?” I have no idea what the rules are as far as facial hair and etiquette. (I also don’t know if guys can go outside in their undershirts, another question Frank always ask me. Anybody?)

3. Drink beer. There’s four beer Friday, anything goes Saturday and what’s gone from two beer Sunday to four beer Sunday. Now that it’s summer, he really likes to drink beer by the pool. That’s why he prefers the neighborhood pool (beer allowed) over the YMCA pool (no booze).

4. Don’t tuck in your shirt. He even manages to follow this rule at church. He wears khaki pants and a Polo-style shirt and it actually looks not too sloppy.

5. Listen to country music. This is new in the past few months. I’ve always loved country so I was thrilled when Frank started turning the radio station to “The Bull” and “Kicks.” But come to find out, we have different taste in country music. While I prefer the more pop-sounding Keith Urban and Sugarland, Frank likes blue-collar country like Jason Aldean and Billy Currington. If it has the words “whiskey,” and/or “tractor” in it, he’s a fan. Just to give you an example, Frank likes that Luke Bryan song that goes:

Rain makes corn, corn makes whiskey
Whiskey makes my baby feel a little frisky
Back roads are boggin' up, my buddies pile up in my truck
We hunt our honeys down, we take 'em into town
Start washin' all our worries down the drain
Rain is a good thing

Yesterday they were playing country music at the YMCA pool. Frank said, “Yes, it feels like the weekend! If only I could have a beer.”

Then on Mondays it’s back to punctual, clean-shaven, sober, nicely dressed, AM-radio listening Frank.

His co-workers have no idea that he spends his weekends living the trailer park life!