Aging Out

Here is the hierarchy of women's retail clothing stores, in order of age-appropriateness:

1. Forever 21 (12-21)
2. Express (18-35)
3. Ann Taylor (30-60--I had to make this one a big range since Granny Jo and I both like to shop here!)
4. Talbot's (50+)


This should give you a good guideline for when you're trying to categorize other stores. For instance, The Gap is most on par wtih Express so it's #2. Charlotte Russe is like Forever 21 so it's #1. And please note that I do allow for some cross-over time. There are times in your life when you can shop at two levels.

I really should have formed this list long ago because for some reason, I thought that, at age 33, I was still allowed into #1. I was wrong.

I was at the mall and I wandered into F21. The other people in there weren't just college kids or teens, they were tweens. Again, I'm 33. They're 12. It would take two-and-a-two-thirds-tweens to make me. I think I saw some two-thirds-sized girls in there. Plus, the clothes were just small and weird and disposable-looking. I walked out after seven seconds and sought refuge in Express--a store I thought was more mature, like me.

Now I still like the clothes in Express and I still think I can pull them off. But when I found myself wanting to go up to the sales clerk and say, "Could you PLEASE turn this music down?" I knew I was on my way out. I've got two good years left. I better stock up on Editor pants and camis.

Then I'll spend the next 15 years at Ann Taylor--unless I have a daughter. Then I can sneak into F21 with the other two-thirds gals.